A somewhat regularly updated accuont of my nutty life!
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This is where you stick random tidbits of information about yourself.
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Thursday, November 14, 2002
Lots to do today. Busy, busy day! But it's been a while since I've written in here, so I decided to take a few minutes and post my thoughts...
The past week has been pretty good to me. I'll start by talking about the boyfriend, as that seems to be one of the high points of the past few weeks.
Things are going really well ... fast, but for a change, not in a bad way. I've made room for some of his clothes in my closet, he's here almost every night, we've gone grocery shopping together ... I guess we're kind of playing house to see how it feels. And let me tell you, it feels really nice. Somehow from the very beginning we had a great connection ... I haven't felt this good about the beginning of a relationship in a really long time.
He said the sweetest thing to me, shortly after we started dating. You see, we met online ... and he came over to my apartment to hang out with me and some friends... so my first meeting with him was at the front gate, where I met him to let him in. He told me, a few days later, that as soon as I got into his car, he knew that we would end up dating.
OK ... how much did THAT make me melt?...
Normally, I spend the early stages of the relationship waiting for the other shoe to drop ... I'm not. Which of course, is dangerous ... but for a change, I don't feel like I need that "fear" as a safety net... Relationship bungee jumping! WOooooo hoo!
Tonight WOULD have been my opening night in "Jeffrey" ... so today, I'm thinking about that a bit. I'm out hitting the pavement, trying to find gainful employment. Time to start banking some money again ... not liking the poor lifestyle too much at all.
As a matter of fact, time for me to get in the shower, make myself look presentable and go fill out some applications ... SO ... more to come soon!
Be well and be fun... or at least just BE!
11:43 AM
Tuesday, November 05, 2002
Ok, I'm going to try to use a clever analogy to explain the way I'm feeling right now. I have the feeling it's going to end up coming out lame, but let's give it a shot anyway. For fun...
Have you ever seen a really cool pair of jeans at a store?... And you just had to have them. You take them home, you wear them and they don't look quite as good on you as you thought they would. They just don't fit quite right. Well then you wear them again, and they're kind of uncomfortable. You realize it's not because you got the wrong size, they're just cut differently than what you're used to. You don't want to take them back to the store, because you were really set on these jeans. In the store they looked so good. The picture you had of yourself in these jeans was great. But they just didn't quite turn out the way you wanted them too. Well, one day your best friend comes over and borrows the jeans. He calls you later on and says "Hey, dude - I'm really sorry. I lost your jeans." Well ... it sucks. You paid for those jeans. They were yours. But you're almost relieved, because now you know you won't be tempted to wear them out again. Someone else can have those jeans.
OK ... yeah, the analogy turned out just as bad as I thought it would. No, I'm not having boyfriend problems. Things with Jonathan are great actually. (Yes, that's his name - he doesn't know this little online journal exists, so I can talk about him freely for my dear friends who keep up with my life via this page.) No, no ... Not boyfriend problems. Something else. I was "let go" from the play "Jeffrey" that I was in rehearsals for. Sucks, huh? ... Yeah kind of. It sucks for many different reasons. But ... somehow ... for some reason, I feel relieved. It wasn't a good fit. The director and I both knew it. It wasn't working for either of us. A combination of factors probably working together to make those jeans "just not quite fit" ...
Never fear however ... the news came on a day when I was not already depressed about something. So to bounce back, I already have a few other outlets in mind to channel my creativity and try to be productive at the same time. I'm thinking about dusting off one of my old film or tv scripts that I wrote ... polishing it up, and maybe seeing if I can put together something while I'm here in Florida. Ya see, that end of the year time frame was based on me doing this play... so now ... now I have no time frame to work with. I have a boyfriend who I adore ... I have a lot of self doubt I need to examine before I can head back to New York ... lots of things to think about. But ... not a time for laziness. I've done that enough in the past few years ... One way or the other, I'm gonna do something creative and it's going to rock! Now if I can just figure out what that's going to be ...
Be well and be fun... or at least just BE!
2:52 PM
Friday, November 01, 2002
(originally written, but not posted on 10/31/02 at 6:04am)
Happy Halloween!
How appropriate that it's Halloween. The day that ghosts, goblins, witches and monsters come out and scare us all. And how ironic that what's scaring me is the potential for happiness.
I guess if I really think about it, it's not really happiness that scares me, but the gamble involved in getting it. It's possible ... just possible that maybe I've finally met the right person for me. He's laying in my bed sleeping as I write this entry and there's this voice inside of me telling me that perhaps maybe this time I've found someone who is what they seem to be. Someone who makes me smile ... Someone who looks back at me, with the same look in his eyes that I have. An understanding. A bond. A look that says - we might actually work.
Now, in typical Kevin fashion, I haven't known this boy very long. But yet somehow there's this strong feeling inside of me that says perhaps it's time to stop being scared. Maybe it's time to take another chance and trust again ... Of course that's not a decision I need to make lightly. Of course rushing into something is the surest way to get hurt .... But maybe.... Maybe I should actually listen to this feeling I have that says "HEY .. Take a chance here!"
He's funny, intelligent, witty, clever, intuitive ... drop dead gorgeous (Yeah, imagine that!) ... and he seems to dig me too! Wow ... almost too good to be true .. That's what the warning bells say. But the thing is, I don't think he's perfect. I know I have a lot to get to know about him ... I'm not planning the wedding ... I'm just enjoying this feeling. A feeling I haven't had in a long time... One I wasn't sure I'd have again.
The feeling that I've finally met somoene ... Someone who seems like they might be worth taking a chance on. Someone who gives me those goosebumps .... Someone who when I kiss, I feel this electricity with.
Yeah, I know ... Gotta be smart. But it's possible to be smart, and still take a chance ... isn't it?....
Be well and be fun... or at least just BE!
6:10 PM
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