A somewhat regularly updated accuont of my nutty life!
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This is where you stick random tidbits of information about yourself.
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Monday, November 24, 2003
It really is the simple things in life that are the best times.
Last night Jamie and I went over to our friend Joanna's house ... it was me and Jamie, Joanna, her boyfriend/fiancee Jason and their friend Kirsten. Joanna made this DELICIOUS homemade lasagna which I ate entirely too much of ... we drank cosmos and champagne and then played this kick ass new Pop Culture Trivial Pursuit DVD game, which I won! (Ok, we were playing for a while, and basically decided to end the game with a Sudden Death round, which is technically how I won ... but regardless: KEVIN WINNER!) ;) After that, Jamie and I headed to the Underground for karaoke ... I ended up not singing "Sweet Transvestite" for a change - and instead sang "Suddennly Seymour" ... I sang both parts of the duet... lol - it was kind of funny and I didn't do too bad of a job ... Jamie sang "Push" by Matchbox 20 and actually did a really good job.
It was a fun night ... no drama ... no worrying about silly boys... just a fun night of hanging out with friends and enjoying the simpler things in life ... good times by far.
On other fronts, I've been busting my ass working a lot lately... I sprained my ankle last week, so working with that has been a little painful. And we're behind on rent and bills, trying to play catch up ... so have basically been working to get all the money together to straighten all that out.
I had a day off today, which was nice after the long weekend of working my butts off slinging hash to old people and bratty kids ... NO MORE SEPERATE CHECKS, that's what I say! GRr....
Jamie is doing well being back ... he certainly is thinking a lot ... reflecting ... deciding ... going through basically what I expected he would while he was here. I'm trying to just listen as much as possible and let him draw his own conclusions. That's really what he needs...
I don't know what I need really... I've been doing well lately... a bit depressed from time to time, but basically doing ok ... I'm going to feel a lot better in a few days when I'm more caught up on bills and rent.. that will be a huge burden lifted..
My plan is to cook a big old meal on Thanksgiving Day after I get out of work ... I'm not sure if it's going to be anyone other than just Jamie and I eating, although I have invited a few other people ... guess we'll see. But I like the idea of cooking a big old dinner... I did it my first year in Florida,and did a pretty decent job ... so I'm thinking I can pull it off again this year...
I have a lot more to be thankful for than I have in past years, so I'm cooking a Thanksgiving dinner even if it's just me sitting eating the damn thing in the middle of my living room. And dammit, there WILL BE cranberry sauce! Luvvvvvvvvvvvz me some cranberry sauce!
5:34 PM
Thursday, November 13, 2003
This is one of those blog posts where I realized it's been a while since I've written ... and I've got a million things to do ... but a post needed to go up ... so here it is.
LOL. Jamie has been home for a week now ... it's been wonderful having him back. He's in a different place emotionaly right now ... I think he feels a little displaced. He seems to miss Seth quite a bit, but also at the same time realize that the space seems to be perhaps doing good things for them as well. I think about Seth a lot, and hope that he's doing ok without Jamie and perhaps trying to find the positive in a situation as well.
We went out to the "Roxie", the local homo-Friday night haunt... neither of us had been there before and DAMN if the place wasn't right out of NYC. Couches, big video screens.. and lots of shirtless gay boys. LOL - it was quite the sight to behold indeed. I wasn't nuts about the shirtless boys, as they tend to bore me.... but it was a fun night...for both Jamie and I.
Tonight we're going with Kate to her employee appreciation night for work ... it's a murder-mystery themed dinner evening ... and promises to be an interesting one I'm sure. I intend to drink a lot of wine both before during and after.
I've been sick lately... Kate has it in my head that I have walking pneumonia. Hmmm ... something to think about huh?... LOL - Cheerful indeed.
Boys still suck ... but I'll post more about that later. No real news about anyone ... just the same old, same old. Money has been an issue lately ... we're behind on some things and all busting our asses to get them back on track. It sucks ... and I hate the feeling of not being able to catch up ... or have as much fun as I'd like to after working so hard.
I think they have a name for this feeling though ... "Adulthood?"
3:16 PM
Monday, November 03, 2003
Everyone who reads my blog has managed to read it so quickly this weekend...and so they're all saying "Oh that's so great about that guy you wrote about... maybe you've finally found someone nice."
Well, I've just been too messed up this weekend to write an update. But now I'm finally going to, so that everyone will stopping rubbing salt in the wound (ok, it was a guy I met once - the wound isn't that sore...) ;)
I decided to be frank and honest with him and tell him that I liked him and was interested in getting to know him further. His response was "Wow, that's very sweet Kevin. I appreciate your being so honest."
I held my breath. It was very clear a "but" was coming ...
"But..." his IM continued "I just don't think we're compatible."
TRANSLATION: You're not what I think of as cute.
OK, he didn't say that, but I'm fairly sure that's what it meant... Maybe I just think that cause I think this guy is gorgeous. And cause I don't think I am ... I dunno ... not really sure what it is...
It just seems that any guy I make some sort of connection with is not interested... or lives far away....And the ones who are interested in me are just these silly boys who I couldn't really hold a real conversation with, let alone have any sort of relationship with.
There's someone who I saw great potential with ... unfortunately said person lives up in the Bangor area ... (For you non-Mainers it's a few hours away and where Stephen King lives) ... A mutual friend says he and I (the boy, not Stephen King) are very much alike. But because of the distance and because he's stubborn ... we haven't met. He doesn't want to chance coming here to see me and liking me (so he says ... I think more l likely he's worried about coming and NOT liking me) ... and I have no way to get to him ...
So ... things are as they always are on the boy front. I think there's potential and it just doesn't end up working out ...
On a happier note, Jamie will be home in a few days. More blog updates on that later... God, I can't wait to see my best friend!... Things will be better then ... I'll have that backup ... that connection that I've been missing for a few months now.
I think that's why I've been looking more for "that special boy" lately... As weird as it sounds. I don't have a close connection with many people since Jamie has left... Jamie and I don't have a relationship connection, but it's certainly a closeness I don't share with many people here...and him being gone has left a void...
I think he's going to be happier when he gets home too ... although we're not sure how long it's going to be for, it appears he'll at least be here long enough to eat some Turkey on Thanksgiving, open a few presents Christmas Day, and ring in the New Year... and I think New Years would be a great symbolic night to spend with my best friend... Out with the old - in with the new... But I guess I really started that when I left Florida...
Still workin' ...
3:05 AM
Saturday, November 01, 2003
We got to dress up in costume for work yesterday. So my Halloween costume consisted of pleather pants, a shiny red shirt, blue hair and a necklace... "Rock Star" was the look I was going for. Not sure how well I pulled it off, but a few of my customers guessed what I was ... and a lot of people complimented the blue hair, so it was cool.
I worked swing, so I got out around 9:30pm, but the night still had many interesting things left in store for me. I came home, and sat in front of the computer - still clad in pleather and blue ... and began chattin' it up online.
Suddenly, this guy IM's me and asks me if my name is Kevin.
"Why yes it is," I say helpfully.
Well it turns out he's a friend of mine's roommate, who I have met a few times, but never talked too much too.
"Are you from Florida?" He asks me.
"Uhm... I lived there for a while." I respond skeptically.
"Did you lose your wallet a while ago?" He asks.
OK - now I lost my wallet a little over two months ago - and have had NO luck finding it. Trying to get another ID has been hell, and so I've been walking around for months with no way of proving my identity. I thought I'd never see my wallet again.
"YES I DID LOSE IT!" I type excitedly.
"Well I work at a grocery store, and it's been behind our service desk for a few months now!"
I SHRIEK with glee and immediately hop in a cab to go and retrieve my wallet. When I get back, I find the boy online again and tell him that I owe him. I invite him for drinks at my place... he suggests his instead. So he comes and picks me up and off to his place we go. We spent about the next 6 hours drinking beer and talking about music, and theology and sociology ... and I start to think this could possibly be the coolest boy ever.
As I sit there and talk to him, one urge keeps coming over me. No, not to fuck him. That's what happens when I really like a guy, I've just met. I don't want to have sex with them. I just want to kiss them.
But I'm also a chicken shit at times... and it took a few hours to build up the courage for my FIRST attempt at a kiss. It happened as we were walking back to his bedroom to listen to some music back there... and I grabbed his hand, turned him around and moved in towards him. A vibe told me he'd pull away, so at the last minute I just gave him a hug. It was rather silly and awkward, but we were both a little tipsy so I figured it was excusable. It definitely felt like we were vibing ... we were hitting it off... but I didn't think a kiss would work yet ... as much as I wanted to. So I waited.
In his room, I laid on the bed and he sat at the computer and played duets from Rent and we traded off singing male and female roles. He's a music major as USM and very into theater. Also points for him. Then he comes over and lies on the bed next to me, takes my hand wraps it around him and we settle into a comfortable spooning positon. At this point, it's 5am and I realize I'm going to have to call into work. (I was to be in at 7am) I'm too comfortable and not leaving this boys bed anytime soon. So I do, and we go back to spooning. At this point, I'm feeling as though a kiss would certainly not be out of the question. So I turn his face to mine, and move in to kiss him. He kisses me, but the fastest quickest peck on the lips EVER. He smiles and turns his head back around and we spoon for the rest of the night ... No sex, no dirty stuff... just cuddling with this awesome cool boy that I had just spent the past 6 hours talking to and developing a mad crush on.
OK - CONFUSION!!!! He was all into the cuddling ... but he totally shot down my kiss attempt. I'm SOOOO confused.
This morning he brought me home, and I called work. Only to get the great news that I'm supsended for tommorrow since I called in today. FUCK FUCK FUCK! This sucks!
I then did my usual Kevin move, and called "the boy" to leave him a message saying I had a really good time, giving him my #, and saying if he was free later, that maybe we could do something.
I talked to him online for a little bit after that, and he was fairly non-chatty, but said it would be cool to do something later perhaps.
So now, I'm going to do what I HATE doing more than anything in the world. I'm going to sit and wait and see what happens... I 'm going to wait by the phone like a fool to see if "the boy" calls me ... I'm going to wonder if he digs me too ... I'm going to tell this story to all of my friends and get their feedback.
God, I'm so silly sometimes... This part... it's the best part, but at the same time the worst part.... BOYS ARE SO CONFUSING!!
OK, now I officially feel like I'm back in middle school ... ;)
1:45 PM
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