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Kevin's Crazy Rantings
 
Friday, March 21, 2003  
Once again, it's been a long time since I've written. I guess I need to discipline myself a little better.

Let's start with the fact that we're at WAR! JESUS!!! I heard tonight that the first American casualities died today. 4 of them I believe. I try to keep myself fairly educated on world events, but I don't claim to be an expert on these things. My opinion however is that Bush seems to be determined to have an exciting presidency and make a name for himself and it seems as though he's doing that at the expense of American lives. BLAH! And I heard these people on some talk show discussing the change of "French Fries" to "Freedom Fries." While we're at it, perhaps we should give back the Statue Of Liberty as well.

My life has been a bit confusing ... lots of things to think about ... Most of which I don't think I'm going to go into here right now. Not all stuff I want "public knowledge" yet.
Just many things to think about ... many decisions to make. And of course, whenever I have decisions to make I end up plagued with self-doubt. Perhaps that's because I have a history of some pretty poor decisions. Yup, that's probably why.

What else?...Missing my best friend like crazy! (Yeah you, if you're reading this you FOOL! ;) I keep wanting to get up to Maine to see him ... or get him down here to see me. It's just hard right now to make anything happen, when I'm not incredibly financially stable. OK, that's an understatement. BLAH! And of course... the thing I harp on about the most in these entries. New York City. Missing it. Wanting to go back. Wanting to leave Florida. And once again trapped here for X amount of time... in a life that is so unproductive. I wonder how much of it is because of where I am, and how much of it is because of the frame of mind that I allow myself to be in because of where I am.

I'm auditioning for a low-budget horror movie on Saturday. I saw an ad in the paper...and it just sounded like fun. So I figured "Hey ... a project would be nice."

I'm hungry... I think I'm going to go make some French Fries...oops! Freedom Fries!

Be well and be fun... or at least just BE!

2:24 AM

Wednesday, March 05, 2003  
THEY PUT A BITCH IN JAIL!!!!!!!

If you've seen "Queens Of Comedy", you'll get the reference. If you haven't then I'll just begin explaining.

Last Wedensday, for about 12 hours, I was a guest at the "Orient Road Motel" .. (aka Tampa's shitty ass jail!) It's a rather long story, but essentially the cops came looking for my roommate... weren't able to screw with him, cause he was out of town ... and decided that I was a good substitute. My parents put up the bail money, got me out ... and now I find myself once again stuck in Florida, until I can go to court, and hopefully make this mess go away. As a result of my "unfortunate incarceration", the decision was made by Adrian's mom that he was going to go to California and stay with his father indefinitely. He left Saturday morning.

I have such mixed feelings here... On one hand, I think the time apart could do us some good. It's been 3 months, and we've had very little time apart. But... then there's that part of me that hasn't been without that adorable little queen for more than a night or two, since early December. I slept alone in my bed last night, for the first time in a long time. I don't have my little partner in crime anymore, and it feels very very lonely in Tampa right now.

Rich, has been a great friend through all of this. He talked to my parents when I was in jail ... talked to me a few times... picked me up there at 4 in the morning ... took me to take Adrian to the airport on Saturday ... and has just been there to talk to and hang out with ... It's helped. He works a lot, or I'd probably be spending even more time with him. I find myself not wanting to leave the apartment much ... slipping more and more into depression.

I've tried to call my best friend several times... no response. I'm hoping he'll be READING THIS (as he tends to do from time to time) and perhaps email me...

Many things in life suck. Jail sucks! Uncertainty sucks! Mistrust sucks! ... But loneliness... loneliness REALLY sucks.

Be well and be fun... or at least just BE!

12:43 AM

 
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