A somewhat regularly updated accuont of my nutty life!
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This is where you stick random tidbits of information about yourself.
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Wednesday, July 30, 2003
Sex and The City is my favorite show on the planet! I often find myself feeling very similar to Miss Cari Bradshaw in my view on life, love and other matters. The most recent episode, which I watched last night was rather heartbreaking. I cried twice during it ... once was a happy cry, the other was a sad one.
The first cry, was when Charlotte ran into the man whom she was in love with, but had left her - and she told him that she missed him so much. That she didn't care if he ever married her (it was her overzealousness towards marriage that pushed him away) but she would feel so greatful if he just called her sometime. He said "That's not good enough," and tears welled up in her eyes. As she was about to turn away, he got down on one knee... The tears then started welling up in my eyes. "Charlotte York, will you marry me?" he said as she sobbed tears of joy. *sigh* Oh the lucky girl!
Then it cut to Cari, who was waiting for Berger, her current beau to arrive back from his week of thinking. They had been having relationship problems, and he took off to think. He arrived back with a bunch of pink carnations (from an earlier joke) for Cari, and they decided that they had to much at stake to just give up. Cut to the next morning, she wakes up alone ... and looks around the apartment for him. The brilliant acting style of Sarah Jessica Parker, as she looked around the apartment was enough to clue the audience in. Even as she looked for Berger, the look on her face said she wouldn't find him - and that sadness was coming. She glanced over at her laptop, where there was a yellow post it note reading "I can't. I'm Sorry. Don't hate me." She stood there numb for a moment, in silence. And in a truly great SATC moment (and a rare moment for Cari) she flung her hand at the vase of carnations, sending them flying across the room. A close up of the vase on the table, dripping water (perhaps mimicking Cari's tears, which we never saw) ended the episode.
SAD SAD SAD ...
As I finished watching this episode I checked my own email. There was one from Rich, saying that perhaps he should have seen me before I left. He said he's seen both great things in me, and terrible things in me. And that in the end, it was best that I left Florida. The note left me with tears in my eyes one more time during the evening. A lot of mistakes were made there, in both parts ... both as boyfriends and as friends. In the end, it wa definitely one of the most important relationships I had during that time in Florida, and maybe there will come a time when we're both in better places and can be a part of each other's lives again in an important way.
I'm so happy to be "home" here in Portland. And it does feel like that now. It's my home until I do the things I need to do to get back to NYC. I plan to set a specific timetable for that in the next few days ... as my schedule, and other things begin to paint a clearer picture of what I'll be in for here.
I've been so anti-social since I got back ... sleeping a lot ... recovering perhaps from the partying I did while in Florida. I haven't gone out once ... but I'm not feeling like that's a bad thing... Recovery is good ... cause starting tommorrow I have to be productive ... things to do ...
Hopefully, there won't be any post-it notes in my future. Perhaps just a sad email from time to time.
11:26 PM
Monday, July 28, 2003
Well ... the life that has been so bitter-sweet (more bitter than sweet) finally came to an end Saturday as I boarded a plane, and watched from my window seat as Tampa got smaller and smaller, and further and further away.
I packed and shipped the most important of my belongings to Maine, where they will arrive in a few days. Many things however, I decided to leave behind in lieu of something better.
Both literally and symbolically, I left a lot behind ... and things seem better already.
Perhaps bittersweet better describes that day then my time in Florida. It was over-due certainly, but my departure was somewhat sad. Sad but so nescesarry ... and the sadness faded away as Tampa did ...
It's time to make smarter choices and begin the life I want to have ... Cheers to that!
9:23 PM
Friday, July 25, 2003
Ah those two wonderful wonderful words! Case dismissed! It's over! The last of the chains binding me to this damn state are gone! I truly could have kissed that judge. And it was a woman.
I saw Adrian last night at the club ... and I suppose I couldn't have left Florida without one final moment like I had last night. At first I held him very tightly, and wouldn't let him go anywhere. I was scaring him I think, but I was also trying to debate if I wanted it to be a peaceful goodbye - or a non-peaceful one. Finally I realized that I did love this boy, and that while he might have had no problem ending things between us with a viscious act, I didn't want to end my part that way. So I told him I loved him, to be well and said goodbye. I let him go and walked outside to cry a little bit and collect myself.
But once outside, the anger hit again. Cari and Marie saw me, I told them what happened and they couldn't believe I "let the little bitch get away with it." Well I was drunk ... and quite easily influenced. I went storming back into the club, ordered a drink, found where he was sitting, and gave him a nice refreshing shower in the middle of the club. He got up, and I then lunged to hit him.
You'd be surprised how fast a room full of fags can break up a fight. I had people pulling me back and off of him in less than 5 seconds.
Not really how I wanted it to be ... but I look at it this way: I didn't just lose $100 ... I think I spent it well. Sure, it's in Adrian's pocket ... but he performed a valuable service for that money ... he reminded me what it is about Florida that most embodies why I want to leave. The fact that even those who say they care the most about you are willing to fuck you hard the first chance they have. So, although I would have liked to have bargained shopped a little for that lesson, and left Florida with just a few more dollars in my pocket - at least I'm leaving Florida. It's been a long time coming ... but this chapter in my life is finally coming to an end.
Tonight's the goodbye party ... but really, I don't have that many important goodbyes. I had the hardest one last night.
8:23 PM
Thursday, July 24, 2003
Packing sucks! Moving sucks! People suck! Florida DEFINITELY sucks!
You know what I want more than anything right now!? Jamie, Joanna - are you reading this?!... I WANT ANOTHER HAPPY FUN DAY! Ahh ... a day at the lake ... picnic snacks... Joanna trying to pee in the lake ... hottie lifeguards ... me throwing sand on Jamie!
HAPPY FUN DAY HAPPY FUN DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
5:49 PM
Wednesday, July 23, 2003
Ya know ... just in case I wasn't quite feeling the "this place sucks" vibe enough ... Well, another kick in the teeth defniitely got the message across.
I decided I wanted to try to spend more time with Adrian since seeing him the other night. The boy was a very important part of my life for a while - and I'm going to miss him a lot ... plus there were still questions I had ... feelings I wanted to talk about. Well he came over the other night, but by the time he got there I was half asleep. So I persuaded him to just lay and cuddle with me ... and he was off and on awake, I think. He left around 6 in the morning, cause he was going with Jesse and FAbio to Miami for the day. I gave him a kiss and told him to call me when he got back ... I was thinking maybe chinese for dinner - his favorite.
Well, I slept a good bit of the day ... depression again. Finally when I woke up, there was no soda in the house... so off to Winn Dixie I went. It wasn't until I was standing in the checkout line, at 10:30 that evening, opening my wallet to pull out some singles when I noticed how much money was missing from my wallet. The $50 bill was the first thing I noticed. I then counted my $20's ... In total $90 was missing ... leaving me with $60.
I guess I own my stupid points on that one ... falling asleep, with my wallet there... money in it... I guess I should be thankful I still have any left. Yeah, I guess that's what I should be thankful for?!... That and for giving me the final straw....
5:47 PM
Monday, July 21, 2003
I found myself able to fight these moods off easier when I was in Maine. The depression ... these feelings of "What next?" ... silliness over boys ... whatever my problems were, I found them a lot less able to affect me up there. Now ... here ... I feel alone again. I feel like I'm drifting back into that sad place...
It doesn't help matters that there have been things that have been going on that are making the actual process of getting out of here quickly harder ... Moving isn't as easy as it seems. Part of me is just ready to grab the bear necessities and get the next available plane out of here... forget about goodbyes or goodbye parties or any of those things that seemed so important when I first got here. Closure?... Who cares!
I'm just ready to move on with the next chapter of my life. I'm just ready for this to be over so that I can start achieving my goals that I've set for myself. So I can start being a productive person and not this zombie who is lonely and sad. That's not me ... I know that. Any doubt I had about that, was taken away when I found myself slowly coming back while I was in Maine.
I need to go and I need to go soon! Just a few more days, I keep telling myself that. Just a few more days...
10:44 PM
Sunday, July 20, 2003
Wow! What a weekend! Not nescesarily a good one, but definitely one filled with lots of twists and turns. Honestly, the whole thing has been like an episode of Dynasty ... well if Joan Collins had been doing tina anyway.
The days leading up to Friday were all "crack days" spent hanging out with "crack friends" ... I've finally learned that that's really all I have here are crack friends. It's sad but it makes moving on a bit easier I suppose.
Teddy had been blowing me off for the past few days. He was unable to pick up a phone and call ... I would simply get emails. The boy is going through a lot - and I understood that, and tried not to show my unhappiness and be understanding.
Friday night was really important to me, cause it was Brian's birthday party at the radio station and I was really excited to go and hang out and be on the air with him and just be around a friend that I actually feel IS a friend. I was also excited to share the night with Teddy. I got an email that afternoon saying that he was uncertain if he'd be able to go or not. That he was "low on gas" ... and some other stuff. I emailed him back saying, I could easily pay for gas - but I felt like there was more to it. I then went to take a nap, as it was afternoon and I had to be up all night and hadn't slept for a few days. (That damn Tina bitch!) So ... I oversleep (natch) and wake up at 11pm. Still fine, cause the show didn't start till 2, but I was rushing - and I had not heard from Teddy and had to assume he wasn't going. Our internet was down that night, but the next day I read his email saying that he wasn't going to be able to make it but that we would definitely hang out Saturday night, and he would be at my going away party (which I rescheduled till next Friday, because I hadn't invited everyone I wanted to yet) ...
So ... a bit depressed, but still vowing to have fun, I went off (with even more tina) to the radio station, and it really was a fun great evening... Watching Brian on the air is so fun ... it's neat to see someone who is so passionate and into what they do. It reminds me a lot of how I used to be, when I worked in television. It's a passion for the genre ... for the medium - and what you can do with it.
Afterwards Brian came over to hang out at my house, which is a rarity ... and I spent the day hanging out with him and my friend Steve ... Cari joined us later and it was basically a "crack day" ..
I had callled Teddy Saturday afternoon ... it was a rough day for him - the 3 month anniversary of his brother's death. I wanted to make sure he was ok, firstly - but also make sure we were still on for the evening so I could rest and such. I didn't hear back from him, so I checked my email. Nothing. Well a little while later he came online. I asked how he was doing... he seemed to be holding up ok. I then said "I'm still gonna see you tonight, right?" His response was "Uhm, I made plans to go with my friend Greg to a club. But maybe I'll stop by after that!"
OUCH! Bullseye! Direct hit! Mission accomplished. He wins, I quit. Game over.
Needless to say, the gloves were off. Enough was enough. I went off on him telling him that he could be messed up as much as he wanted to be, but that doesn't mean you need to be a dick to other people. That was two nights now that he had screwed up my plans, ditched out on me - and left me feeling like an asshole. I don't have much time left here in FL, and there are things I could be doing other than scrambling for plans at the last minute because the guy who I thought I was seeing, has decided that I'm not worth the effort.
I was depressed, and Cari was here ... of course she kept suggesting the solution was more Tina. I fought this for a while - cause I had that feeling and I knew it wasn't going to go away by doing that. I don't use drugs as an escape often, just as a way to kill the empty space ... and there's been a lot in the past 3 years.
So, we go to the club. I'm miserable... I drink a little, but not wasted ... I had told Cari the story about Teddy earlier, and I was worried we would run into him, so she was kind of my security blanket. (LOL - yeah, great person for that!) Well she wanted more shit - so she sent me outside to use someone's cell phone to call "our guy" .. I did call him. I told him and said that if I called anymore for the rest of the evening, that he should please tell me that he was done for the night, and try another day. (I left this message on his voice mail) Then, I tried to think of one person who I could call to get me out of there. I was miserable - Cari kept pushing me to spend more money on shit, and didn't seem to care that I was in pain. I also was worried I was going to run into Adrian, my ex boyfriend - as I heard he was back in town and goes out a lot. I thought of who actually cares about me here. I thought who would help me and help me get myself out of where I was before I ended up making more stupid mistakes. Rich? No. Certainly no more. Teddy was the only person I could think to call. We had "ended it" ... but he was a good person - he might be in Tampa. Maybe he would come and get me out of there. I left him a message on his cell phone, and turned to walk back in the club. As I did, I ran into Cari, who just asked "Did you get a hold of anyone with shit?" As I was about to open my mouth, I glance at the front door of the club, and coming out for air, looking a bit sweaty is Teddy.
He looks suprised to see me, but he walks over. I'm nervous and don't know what to say. Still tinafied, and a little tipsy and just wanting to be saved - but with no way to say that in front of Cari. Wanting to tell him "CAn we go talk? I still would like to know you ... I don't know that that's not possible... " But I say none of these things. And he gives a polite acknowledgement, and says goodbye, going inside to see his friends. I turned to Cari and said "That was Teddy..." I have almost tears in my eyes at this point. She looks at me, and without pausing for a moment says "Can you try calling Carlos again?" In that moment, I was done. I knew I was.
I snuck away with the phone one more time and I called Teddy's voice mail again. I said "20 bucks if you can take me home. I need to be away from this cunt, and from these ridiculous people who I can no longer stand to be around..." I realized this was futile however ... and so I decided to slip into actor mode. I found Cari, said that I had made us a connection and that we had to go back to my house and wait. I played as though everything was fine the whole drive home and when we got there, I suggested we go into the computer lab. Once tehre, I excused myself for a minute, ran back to my apartemnt and locked my door. A few minutes later, there was knocking at my door... then my window. Then my door and my window at the same time.
Wait! Even Cari can't reach that far... Not my door and my window at the same time. Who else was there?... I ran out to my front door and looked through the peephole. I saw the drug fiending Cari, looking like an angry bulldyke. But behind her was a boy. Oh my God! I opened the front door and standing behind Cari, I saw, for the first time in about 6 months Adrian.
YIKES!...
Now if this was Dynasty, that would at the very least be the shocking end of an episode - as they always had to get people to tune in next week. It might (at least in my little world) have been a season-ending cliffhanger. I think I actually froze for a moment, just as they used to do as well.... But - I quickly became unfrozen, as I had Crackhead Cari, and my ex-boyfriend (Adrian and I were together for 6 months, and he had also been out of town for 6 months... so it had been a while.) standing in front of me and had to respond.
I looked at them both for a minute - and then I pointed at Adrian and said "You, come inside." I tuned to Cari, pointed to her and said "You, go fuck yourself! Preferably somewhere else." Adrian hesitated for a minute, looking apprehensive, but then walked in the door ... Jesse, one of his closest friends had also appeared behind him. I ushered him in as well, and slammed the door in Cari's face, making sure to lock it behind me. The girl doesn't always take hints well, no matter how unsubtle they might be.
Adrian and I went in to my room to talk, and eventually (after much prodding from Adrian), Jesse agreed to leave us alone and go home. They only live the street, and Adrian could easily walk back.
Both Adrian and I were a bit tipsy, but neither one was really "drunk" ... so the conversation started out with lots of questions... and within maybe an hour we had regained our comfort level, and were almost acting completely the way we used to. We dicussed a lot of issues, but no real conclusions were reached ... just feelings expressed. We ended up falling asleep cuddling ... I felt wounded and hurt all evening, and now Adrian was laying there next to me, and all of the things that I loved about him seemed enough to get me through the evening. I held him, and fell asleep ... and it was nice.
This afternoon, we woke up - and once again, resumed our normal roles, acting as though things were almost the way they were before. The thing is that I think we both knew that they weren't. Time had passed and we had both changed ... not a lot perhaps, but there was something that felt different. I have always loved Adrian, he's a wonderful wonderful person. I questioned at times how "in love with him" I was ... And I thought about that as we spent the day together today hanging out, watching TV ... taking a walk ...
He'd told me before that he loved me more than anyone else he'd ever met. That's a powerful thing to say to someone. Perhaps more addicting than any drug. To have someone who loves you that much ... to see yourself the way they do ... that can be an icredible high. But, as with a drug, the high comes with some down sides ... You question your own feelings. Which do you love more? Him, or the fact that he adores you? I don't know that I've ever really come to an answer to that question. It certainly wasn't any clearer today than it was before. What was clear was that seeing Adrian and spending time with him was a wonderful wonderful thing - and it came at just the right time. In fact it couldn't have come at a better time.
Now, for the first time since I've been back in Florida I'm alone. And I feel alone. I feel as though I'm in a strange place, with very little around me I can connect to anymore. I am in one of those moods where I don't particularly want to be by myself... not at the moment anyway ... but I think about it. I think about who I could pick up the phone and call - who would come over and keep me company. Who I would want to spend time with. Very few names come to mind. And that makes quite a statement about my life here. I thought leaving would end up being so difficult... but each day that I'm here, it seems easier and easier.
8:13 PM
Wednesday, July 16, 2003
I can't describe how weird it feels to be back in Florida. It feels as though I'm in a very familiar place, but that there's something different. I think maybe it's me. "Going through the motions ... " (a Buffy the musical song ... lol)
I spent the night with "Teddy" last night ... and it was an interesting experience to say the least... in so many ways. He picked me up at the airport, and I knew from the second I saw him that I had that tingle.. that feeling ... I think it's "giddy" ... lol Well me, being the dork that I am ... and worrying about what if's channels "giddy" into nervous energy ... Over the next few hours, we acclimated to getting into that "comfort zone" around each other... touching each other, just a little bit here and there... bumping into each other, and holding it just a second extra ... little half hugs ... and then kissing for the first time again back at my apartment ... It was all I could do to keep from taking him right there... But I didn't. Dumb move. As I walked through the living room to the kitchen, Frank offered me a hit off a joint ... it had been so long, I was nervous about the evening, and I'm just in generally rather an unclever creature sometimes ... so I said yes. DUMBER move. Of course, being a "one hit wonder" (A term that "Teddy" and his friend coined) I was on my way to stupid in just moments... I then had to meet his friend, and wander around in public in full stupid mode for much of the evening. "Teddy" and his friend Jessie both had a lot of private inside jokes, both enjoyed screwing with stupid stoned boy, and definitely took a few minutes to chat privately, enjoying that I was stewing over the whole situation ... Evil ... totally evil. But, I reasoned ... I deserved it. I did do this to myself.
So back at my place... later... resume the kissing ... resume the passion ... feeling definitely giddy, but more comfortable and just happy to be with this groovy boy ... AH ... but the evening can't quite have a happy ending can it?... Well, one of the things about me and "the herb" is that it's side effects can TOTALLY vary on me and are somewhat unpredictable. Last night wasn't the ONLY night that it's ever affected my sex drive in a negative way ... but it certainly was probably the most unfortunate case of it... Well it wasn't so much the drive.. the drive was there. Let's just say I turned into a walking ad for viagra. Talk about a blow to the male ego. Talk about hurt masculinity. Talk about feeling shitty, because it's your first time with a boy you really like and it's less than stellar ... due to NO fault of his ... (Trust me ... this boys gots skills) ... It basically turned into one big clumsy attempt after another ... Those of you who know me (not in the biblical sense, dear readers, but who know enough of my stories) know that generally - my problem lies more with not being able to make it go down, then not being able to make it go up.
So ... he left for work. I'm here, a wounded male (a gay male, but still a typical male in so many ways, nonetheless) and wondering if I've totally blown this ... or if he digs me enough already that it's not a big deal and it'll "just be better next time" ... I guess I'm probably going to end up having to wonder about that ...
On a different note ... court today. Woo-hoo! Hopefully things will go the way that my optimistic attorney seems to think they will - but either way that should be resolved today. Then I begin the process of packing and thinking and calling and ...
All these things to do ... and my mind is definitely only in one place right now.... and it's hoping his is too...
7:52 AM
Monday, July 14, 2003
This will probably be the last entry I write from Maine for the next few weeks - as I will be headed back to Florida to begin the process of wrapping up my life and such. There seems to be one complication, however, with wrapping up my life there. My faithful blog readers might remember reading about the wonderful "date" I had before leaving Florida. A boy who I hung out with and had a connection with ... a spark ... something that feels like it could be more... Well, this is something that I guess we're going to spend some time investigating while I'm there. It seems strange to be considering starting something in a place where I'm actually ending things ... But there's something about this boy. I think my interest in him, who I've only met once, seems to be greater than what I have felt for anyone I've met during the past month in Maine. It's also primarily the reason why I haven't really had any serious interest in anyone, and have kept myself from doing anything that might mess that up. I dig him ... a lot ... and I'm really looking forward to the chance to spend more time with him while I'm in Florida...
Now where would that leave us if we realize that maybe we are what each other is looking for. I'm on a path, that I certainly can't change for a boy ... even if the "L" word were to come into play ... But I need to be happy with my life in order to have the kind of relationship I want... and Florida certainly has nothing else left for me in terms of happiness.
The possibiliy that this boy might, however - comes as both an oddness and an excitement at the same time. I would imagine, that should things look as though they were going to go somewhere, that perhaps location could become a non-issue... It's going to be hard to make any sort of big decisions if we were to only get to spend the next few weeks together ... I realize it's all hypothesis right now, definitely - but I have a gut feeling ... And I think he has it too ... so ... I guess really the only thing to do is spend as much time together, and see what feels like the right path once we near the end of my Florida time.
This week is going to be crazy. He's picking me up at the airport and we're hanging out Tuesday night. Wednesday is my court ... and here's hoping that it goes the way I'm expecting it to. The next few days I'll spend packing, and sorting, and making phone calls, and spending lots of time hopefully with Teddy (his nickname, which I think I'll use on here for "blog purposes") Then Friday night I'm off to 93.3 to hang with Holmes and his friends for his big on-air birthday bash! Probably a party afterwards at my place... continuing into that evening when I have my big farewell bash. I'm not leaving for almost another week - but the timing seemed right to have it then ...
It's odd, because in leaving Maine, I don't feel like I'm going home - I feel like I'm leaving it. Jamie keeps asking me if I'm really coming back ... and that's a given. I'll be back here... I'm happy here. I have the job, I have a nice group of friends, I have a town that I like... and I have the ability to get to where I want to be ... back in NYC ... I'm going to set a date once I'm back as my "target date" to be there by ... and I'm going to make that happen.
I leave Maine with a lot more optimism about my future then when I arrived here... and plan to come back soon with even more!
2:24 PM
Thursday, July 10, 2003
Quite a bit of news to post today ... so, I guess I'll get right to it and start with the biggie. It's been decided for a little while now, but I had a few people I wanted to tell, before posting it up on my blog. (I say that like it's a billboard that everyone drives by on their way to work, but the truth is I didn't want a few people just reading about it on here, before hearing about it from me first.)
I'll be back in Florida shortly, and while in the Sunshine State I'll be taking care of my courtroom drama, settling some affairs, packing up my belongings and bidding a bittersweet farewell to the state that has been my home for the past 3 years, and provided perhaps 3 of the most intense years of my life.
I'm going to be moving up here to Maine, and staying with Jamie, working (yes, I have a J-O-B) ... and saving up money to attain my next goal - to be self-sufficient and be able to afford a move back to NYC in the fall.
I've been happier since I've been here in Maine then I've been in a long time. I feel motivated, I feel like my mind is in a better place, I feel stronger. Jamie's friendship plays a big part in that, the fact that I like Portland plays a big part in that, but the fact that I'm in a new place, where I can clear my mind and do what I need to do is also a big part. I do remember that was my motivation in moving to Florida, but I did that blindly - without testing the water first... and I was a lot more messed up then. I feel more like myself now then I have in a long time. I'm not totally back, but I certainly am on the road to being there - and that's a road I've been trying to find again for a long, long time.
That being said, we'll move on to other news...
I'm having a going away party next Saturday and hoping to assemble as many of the members of the Florida Cast of my "Real World" as I can ... past and present cast members - for a great big giant reunion, so that I can say goodbye to most, who I won't see again - make one more memory with the ones I intend to keep in touch with, and have the closure with that life that I need, before getting back to my real one, after a 3 year hiatus. So Saturday night July 19th, for my Florida friends - keep your calendars open.
The night before, Friday July 18'th is my buddy Holmes' birthday ... He works for 93.3 and I'm going to join him in the studio and on the air that night starting at 2am for some fun and laughs. Make sure to tune in!
Last night was an oddness for me ... A few things came full circle. I had a brief conversation with my ex boyfriend Jonathan when I saw him online. He had hurt me quite a bit as my friends (and archive readers here) know ... but I wanted to IM him and invite him to my party ... he said he might come and we had a few minutes of small talk. It felt nice ... like the pain had eased ... almost gone. Ironically, shortly after that I talked to Adrian - one of my last boyfriends, who I suppose I had hurt unintentionally. Bad choices on my part in a difficut situation ... But we talked about things ... and he seems still very hurt, and I regret that so much. It was good to hear from him, definitely - but difficult to hear that I'd hurt him.
I got booked for this event in NYC in a few weeks, where I'll be working with a few actors from soaps, on some show that's going to be on cable. I'll write more about that in a future blog.
And last but not least, today was happy fun day with Jamie and Joanna. We went to this lake, with a beach ... in a state park in the forrest... we had a picnic, swam, played cards and tanned. It was definitely a good happy fun day...
The first of many to come ...
8:08 PM
Thursday, July 03, 2003
OK ... so a few interesting things in the past few days.
Yesterday, a friend of mine here wanted to go get the usual every-few-months STD check, so I decided to go along to the clinic and get everything tested - even though I just had my HIV test two weeks ago. Well the doctor was a big ole queer, and kind of flirting with me - although I looked like shit. Later that evening, Jamie and I headed off to Somewhere for karaoke and guess who was there. That's right... Mr. STD Tester ... Well I said hello to him ... and he seemed a little drunk. A bit later I asked him if he heard me sing, and he said he must have been out in his car. He then asked me if I'd like to go out to his car with him.
At that moment, I realized it was possible he didn't recognize me so I said to him "Do you remember meeting me?" And he's like "tonight?" And I'm like "No, this afternoon." The look of horror that crossed his face was priceless. Sheer embarassment. Well ... regardless, my tests came back fine ... I'm in perfect health, as expected.
After the run-in with the doctor, I ended up running into NOAH ... (the video game boy from last week) ... We talked... drank ... hung out ... and he asked me to go back with him again and hang out. We had to stop by my house first to get clothes and we ended up hanging out here talking for a while, then going back to his place and just sleeping together. This is a groovy boy, but an odd one.
I keep talking to the boy I went onthe date with right before leaving Florida. He's so the perfect boy for me... But he's in Florida.
Speaking of which ... TUNE IN TOMMORROW ON MY BLOG: The big decision is going to be announced...
You'll see.
12:25 AM
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