A somewhat regularly updated accuont of my nutty life!
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This is where you stick random tidbits of information about yourself.
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Wednesday, December 31, 2003
I'm sitting here, collecting myself beforing venturing out for New Year's Eve. I'm trying to bring myself out of the bad mood that I'm currently in, because I'm determined to enjoy this New Year's Eve, as things are so much better this year ... and I feel I have a lot to celebrate and a lot to look forward to in the coming year.
That said; I'm kind of in a shitty mood. CK (the trick turned friend) and I finally spoke today ... I had just naturally assumed, since we had become pretty close, that he'd be a part of our New Years Eve thing ... (The plan is dinner and drinks at Margarita's, followed by bar hopping, etc.) Well, as it turns out he has other plans that don't include me ... but we might see each other out. Ironically, it's another trick that's turned into a friend ... and I guess that one warrants more than a "I'm sure I'll see you out somewhere..." Well, I feel fucking special.
Al, the amazing boy who I met in PA, who lives in GA and I have been talking every night ... he's scared... and he's a million miles away ... and I don't know where to go with that. He's a great person, and I'd love so much to be able to really spend time getting to know him ... that's just a very hard thing to do with so much distance... especially when he seems to be afraid to do that ... He was weird on the phone last night, which left me thinking all day ... Blah! I hate thinking!
Jamie leaves in a week to go back to Arizona ... I knew that it was coming ... just hadn't really thought about it ... and now the time is almost here... Then I'm alone again. Kate and I have been fighting a lot ... the people who I feel like I'm getting close to, don't seem to share the same sentiment... the loneliness sometimes is palpable. The feeling of "Why am I not good enough?..." is so overwhelming sometimes... I'm tired of seeing people out there with the most shallow, self-absorbed friends who they'll do anything for .. yet I have no one (save Jamie) that I'm truly close with. I'm sick of hearing people say "It's not you, I just don't want to date anyone..." only for them to turn around and be interested in dating someone else. How does one not take that personally?... How does one tell themself that it isn't them?...
One doesn't. One just sits back, hurts a little on the inside, keeps a tough bitchy exterior and thinks "maybe someday..."
Anyway ... but it IS New Years Eve ... and in reflection I wanted to look back on last years New Years Resolutions (from right here in my blog) and see how many I've accomplished.
1.) Get back to NYC in 2003.
Well, I'm geographically closer...and have spent more time this year than last...
2.) Start trusting the right people, and cutting loose the wrong ones.
I've managed to cut loose the dead weight ... now it's just about finding the right people ...
3.) Reconnect with people who have been absent from the picture for too long. (Jamie, Kristina, Ben, Robyn, Tonya, Scott ... there's quite a list.)
Well that's something I've done ... and am continuing to do more of ... Happy about that.
4.) Get rid of those pesky few pounds that just don't make the clothes look that just don't make the clothes look their best.
I lost ... I gained... I lost ... I gained... This will be a resolution again this year.
5.). A winter jacket that ISN'T made out of denim!
Got 3 of them ... YAY ME!
6.) Write a letter to Aaron Sorkin asking him when the "West Wing" is going to start being great again.
The West Wing got better without my letters... GO AARON SORKIN!
7.) Revisit 87'th & Broadway ... meaning re-writes, re-thinking and perhaps making it a REality!
Yeah, I really need to get on that ...
8.) Have a relationship with the right person, for the right reasons, the right way! (Is this possible... maybe this is the year to find out)
This one seems impossible at times... most times.
9.) Get back my financial independence! (Mom and Dad would be so thrilled)
DONE!! Accomplished! GO ME!!! YAY! ;)
10.) Update my damn webpage a little more often for my few friends who read it! ;)
OK, that one I've definitely been getting better at ... ;)
So tommorrow, I'll post my 2004 resolutions... I think, all in all, I did pretty well with this years ... I'm a far happier person than I was last year... and even in my glum state, I realize that my life is signifigantly better... and that the next year should be an even better one ... the fates willing.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
5:26 PM
Saturday, December 27, 2003
It's sad that when you finally meet someone with whom some real potential exists, that there always seems to be a big giant obstacle preventing you from REALLY knowing ...
Al, the amazing boy I met on Christmas Eve left last night. Sadly, we didn't get to spend any more time together after that first night. I guess i'm not entirely ready to throw in the towel just yet. It seems silly to make an attempt to pursue something, with someone so far away after only hanging out once... but something in me tells me that this might be worth the time and effort.
I spent the better part of the afternoon in low spirits, and was eventually persuaded to go to a party last night. This boy Andrew who I had been talking to online (in an attempt to find people to hang out with while I'm in this boring town) had asked me to go to a party with him ... Well, little did I know what he had in store for me.
Originally, he said he and his friend had something to do before going to the party, and they would come get me after. I insisted that they should get me first, and I would come along to run their errand. After much reluctance, Andrew admitted to me that their errand was actually to go on an "escorting appointment" with some rich older man. LOL - now of course, this should have been my first sign - STAY AWAY FROM THIS PERSON. But I was down about not getting to see Al before he left ... and I thought perhaps a night of adventure would do me some good. I was told if I came along, I could swim in this man's pool and play in his hot tub while they did "their thing" ... In theory, this sounded fine.
Now, this Andrew boy seemed as though he liked me. My head wasn't really in that place because I kept thinking about Al ... but I also found it rather odd to hear a boy telling me he liked me and then telling me that I was going to be waiting in the hot tub while he fooled arond with an old man for money, on the first night we'd meet. Yeah, that's a great "first date" ... lol - way to sell the idea!
But alas, it got worse. He went on to tell me how this other guy he was interested in was going to the party afterwards with them as well ...and that I had to keep all of the rest of the evening secret...
Now at this point, I DID realize that staying at home and watching TGIF was going to be a better option for me... and I said so. But Andrew wouldn't take no for an answer.
So ... off I went ...
If you can perhaps imagine the scenario I've already painted... and if perhaps you think "Well, it might not have been that bad..."
...you'd be wrong.
It was all that and more. Andrew is a sweet kid, but a messed up set of values. He comes from a well off family, and has no need to escort. He does it to buy expensive bobble. I almost had to laugh when he said that he was going to use his money on a new Louis Vuitton bag. Adrian and Rich (two ex's of mine who escorted) both sold their asses for a Louis Vuitton bag... damned hookers and their expensive tastes...
The night was basically just wretched, and every attempt that I made to try to make it better was rejected. When I'd state that I was uncomfortable, it would have little or no impact on any activity. And the party ended up being a bunch of ANNOYING as HELL fags, that I had no desire to be around.
I've come to notice that gay people are truly the same no matter where you go ... there are a few different models, and you'll find them scattered throughout every city you go to.
Except maybe for Atlanta. I think there's a really special, perhaps one of a kind boy there ... maybe I'll still get to find out ...
God, I'm so ready to leave PA! ...
5:23 PM
Thursday, December 25, 2003
There were only 4 things I really wanted this Christmas. I wanted a digital camera. I wanted some money to pay my rent for January, so I wouldn't have to worry about it when I get back. I wanted some nice comfortable thick socks for work so that I won't be in constant pain. And ... I wanted to meet the boy of my dreams.
This morning underneath my parents Christmas Tree, I got a digital camera, some socks and some money. Everything I could have wanted... Except for the boy.
However, many families that I know have a tradition of opening one gift the night before, on Christmas Eve. Last night, in a random attempt to cure my boredom in PA, I met up with a boy from online ... and I might very well have gotten the fourth Christmas present a night early.
I'm floating right now ... but with full knowledge that this is going to crash down around me soon. His name is Al, and he's from PA originally. He's EXACTLY two days younger then me ... He's (obviously) also a libra ... he is brilliant, funny, gorgeous ... and he lives in Atlanta.... (Thus the trainwreck I'm headed for.)
We marveled quickly at how alike we were ... unsure if it was just the libra traits, or if the similarities ran deeper than that. As it turns out they do, as we have very similar backgrounds and histories ... right up to mistake of spending a few years with "Miss Tina" ...
We had an amazing night, and he left early to avoid detection from my father and to get home in time for Christmas morning ... the plan is to see him again tonight ... fingers crossed.
I'm not even REMOTELY sure what could possibly happen here... we do live far away from each other... we did just meet.... but ... as cheesy as this sounds... there definitely felt to be a little bit of Christmas magic working last night ...
Merry Christmas all!...
2:28 PM
Tuesday, December 23, 2003
Bear in mind, that as I write this entry, I'm completely stoned. LOL - hell, it's Maine ... what else is there to do after a long day of work?...hehehe
OK, so it was an eventful weekend of Christmas Parties... I'm all Christmas Partied out at this point.
Friday night, my friends Jake and Heath had their Gay Christmas Keg Party ... which sounds like 3 contradictions all in one statement.. but regardless... Jamie bailed at the last minute, and so our friend Brad and I went without him ... Bear in mind, Brad's a rather brilliant boy, who one can never tell if is ACTUALLY crazy or simply playing a role to the letter. Regardless, we show up at a party that consisted of about 10 queers... oh, and a girl. There was a hag there ... Anyway ... so we get there, and I'm a little stoned, but hadn't drank anything ... It was awkward but after a few beers, I was good to go ... I struck up conversation with a boy from Bangor who was in town for the weekend ... he and I went for a walk ... smoked up some more... talked ... he was a cool kid... so we hung together for the rest of the night ... Around 11, the party moved to the Roxy and I moved home, to crash and prepare for an early day of work ... Sean (the boy from Bangor) agreed to come to the Christmas party that Jamie, Kate and I were having the next night...
...and so the next night, we had our Christmas Party. About 15 people showed up in all ... we made a groovy christmas party CD, had lots of wine and beer, smoked a lot of pot, socialized and had a good time.
CK (the blog name for the boy who after months of hooking up with, I have started to get to know and like) made an appearance... but he seemed uncomfortable with the pot smoking and other things ... He left after about 30 mins ... and I was sad.
Ironically, also at the party was Justin, the boy who I had been nuts about a few weeks back, but returned no interest. Well he showed up and surprised me ... I hadn't thought he'd make it. It was good to see him... it's clear that he's not interested in me in that way (he went to go meet some other boy after he left my house) ... but he is a fucking amazing kid... and I hope that I manage to get over all that and make a friend out of him ...
Then finally, Sean the boy from the party the night before showed up. He ended up spending most of the night in the kitchen talking to another friend of mine... they left together around midnight to go to the bar... I wrote him off then.
Depsite my rejection from 3 different boys in one night, the christmas party was actually a LOT of fun ... I had a good time and was around some people I enjoy.
Sunday was a day of work... then rest... then some christmas shopping ...
Monday (this afternoon) we had our Christmas Party at work. Amanda and I decided, that after a long day of work, we were gonna get stoned first to make the party more enjoyable ... it was a fuckin trip. I got cards for everyone with personal notes... there was YUMMY ass food that everyone made... and we did a gift exchange... a tame, but fun time to be sure.
CK had come in to work during the day to say goodbye to me before leaving himself for the holidays. We exchanged cards, both of which had something sappy written inside. Amanda observed the dynamic between us and told me "I think he likes you ..."
I feel that way too ... it's a weird thing though ... because we're becoming good friends. He's perhaps the first one (barring Jamie, who doesn't count, and Kate who I live with) here who I actually feel a real sense of closeness with ... my feelings for him make that confusing a bit, because I think we seem to gel so well together a lot ... What I don't know is if it's dating anyone that is unappealing to him ... or if it's just that he doesn't think we're compatible... My biggest problem is that confusion ... feeling like he looks at me with the same eyes I look at him with ... and yet ... and yet.
Regardless, I'm lucky to have met him ... and who knows where things will go. That's not a hopeful thought... or an unhopeful one ... just not entirely sure that the ending of this particular novel has been written yet ...
Last but not least... in a complete moment of "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" ... I had sex with the HOTTEST boy EVER tonight... lol - yeah yeah yeah ... well I can't sit around and mope about my feelings and unrequited desire FOREVER now can I?... And the best part... this hottie ... he's a military boy... well ... he was. YUMMY ...
"Oh yeah ... Girl's just wanna have fun ...."
And finally ... HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVE EVE EVE ... (something I've done since I was a kid ... the ritual countdown) ...
Tommorrow afternoon I leave for my first journey home to PA in forever. I will have a few hours layover in NYC, so I will probably wander around my old stomping grounds and see a few friends... Then it's off to Amish Country for Christmas Vacation.
My best Christmas present so far: I don't have to see a fucking grand slam for 7 days! PRAISE GOD ... MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS!!!!... ;)
12:23 AM
Sunday, December 14, 2003
Oh Christmas Tree ... Oh Christmas Tree...
I have a story, I want to tell ...but as it's not a very happy story I figured I'd start with something a little bit more cheerful.
Last night we got our Christmas tree and decorated while listening to beautiful Christmas music. Kate, Jamie me and Kate's friend Jen ... it was a good time... our living room looks really cute. We rearranged the whole thing, got rid of the ugly futon (ok, it's actually sitting in the hallway right now waiting for me to lug it downstairs to the trash heap) and made it a lot more homey. I have to finish cleaning the rest of the house, but doing the decorating really helped get me in the Christmas spirit.
Well that was enough cheer... lol.
So my problem in relationships seems to be that when I like someone, I start expecting things... and Dr. Phil and Oprah and all of these people (except save for Ricki Lake) tell us that the best things happen when we're not expecting them ... So let me begin my story.
My story begins several months ago when I met this guy online and gave him a blow job. One blow job turned into the occasional "semi-regular" playing session, but nothing more beyond that. It was simply "Hey, let's fool around..." And that would be that.
Then things started changing a bit. We'd talk more online ... I shared with him the story of my past (from the soap opera days to the drug infested times in Florida) ... and he shared some of his with me... We seemed to have more in common than we realized. Out of the blue one day, we decided to do something normal and go out for lunch... it was a lot of fun and it was very cool to start to get to know this person. There was no "relationship" kind of vibe... it was just getting to know each other, becoming friends... and of course, we'd still play around from time to time.
Then hanging out "normally" became more frequent... he'd meet me out at the bars for some drinks... we'd watch movies ... he met Jamie and we all hung out ... got drunk together ... We went out to dinner a few nights ago ... And slowly, I started to realize that this guy was really great. That maybe I might like him. We have a lot of things about ourselves that our similar... our feelings about ourselves and our lives... the way we think ... we bonded basically ... and I was starting to wonder "Could this be more...?"
Last night he signed online as I was preparing to go to sleep ... he was drunk and seemed rather sad so I invited him over. He came over, and just wanted to cuddle and talk ... which I was totally down with ... He started talking about the things he wants out of life ... and how he goes through the same cycle. How he finds himself trying to focus on one thing, but unable to split his focus between his job/career life and a romantic life. He said that he was in slut mode lately, because he's always been a serial monogamist... and that he was worrying he was starting to fall back into a phase where he was liking someone and that would be bad for him ... He said he hadn't been looking for a realationship, that he was happy just being kind of a ho for while... but then he started to like someone ... and see the possibility for more there.
I laid there listening to him, and rubbing his chest ... thinking that it was cool that it sounded like he and I were possibly thinking the same things. That maybe we wouldn't date ... maybe we would ... but that he was thinking he had interest in me as well. I felt warm and fuzzy ...
He went on to say that he'd had such a great day ... and was feeling so good...and now he felt terrible. I asked him what made the change. I was confused... why did he suddennly feel so bad ...?
"Well ... the guy I've started to like is moving soon."
I swallowed hard. The realization that it wasn't me he had been talking about set in. I was determined not to let it show on my face. I was rubbing his chest at the time, trying to make him feel better. I knew that if I stopped suddennly, that my feelings would be known. That my hurt would show ... and I wasn't about to let that happen. I continued for a few minutes, as he went on ... I didn't let the tone in my voice change once, as I expressed sympathy and told him that eventually he'll meet the right person ... or that perhaps things would work out with this guy. Then I smiled, said in a silly voice that I had to go pee and went into the bathroom to compose my thoughts. I stared at myself in the mirror for a while... wondering ... This guy who I have so much in common with ... our feeling that we can do better than what we are right now ... the desire to regain former good looks that we feel are somewhat lost ... this connection that I felt was blossoming ... It was completely one-sided. I was thinking "What if..." and so was he ... just not "What if...Kevin..."
I put on my best "party face" and went back into the bedroom, crawled back into bed, and played sleepy.
Eventually, he decided he couldn't sleep and was going to go home ... I wasn't sure he should be alone, cause he was still kind of sad, so I told him that he was more than welcome to stay. He didn't.
It feels like ANY time that I let the slightest bit of interest in someone creep in that I end up feeling like a fool for not seeing that it wasn't returned. This wasn't a case of me making any mistakes... I hadn't made any, cause I hadn't TRIED to do anything ... I was just letting it happen and seeing where it went. This was just a case of me thinking that there was more there then there actually was ... which I guess in the end just makes me feel stupid. He's a friend, and I guess that's just where I have to keep him. He's a good person, and has done NOTHING wrong, so certainly I'm not going to take my hurt out on him ... that wouldn't be fair... but ... at what point do you wonder "What IS wrong with me?" I know that sometimes, it's just a case of two people not being right for each other or whatnot ... but sometimes ... sometimes with a person who you feel like you have so much in common with ... and then you realize they haven't even THOUGHT about you in that way ... that they were thinking about someone else in that way, as you were on a completely different page... Well ...sometimes you just feel stupid.
I went to sleep wondering why I think of myself as an intelligent person ... but when it comes to relationships, I somehow always wind up feeling stupid in the end.
3:55 PM
Sunday, December 07, 2003
Sometimes work is actually a really fun place to be.
Yesterday morning, amidst the blizzard we seem to be having (which Maine people seem to think is nothing) I was tending to the few customers that I had ... and it was just about my turn to go on break. A party of six young people (3 guys, 3 girls) came in and were put in my section. I rushed to beverage them and get to them to take their order before Jeanne came to tell me I was on break...but just as I was getting the last orange juice, she came over to inform me that it was my turn. All was not lost though ... I turned to Sue, another of our charming Denny's waitresses and said "Hey, you wanna go next? I have a party I wanted to take care of ..."
"Sure," she said, smacking her gum ... and off to break she went... and off to the table of youngsters went I.
As I said, there were 3 guys and 3 girls. None of the 3 guys were anything bad to look at AT ALL ... one stood out as more of my type of "hottie" then the others ... and as it turned out he was also the funny one of the group. (His name turned out to be Todd, I later discovered.)
So I went over with my usual way-too-cheerful "Hey guys, how are you doin today?... Did y'all know what ya want or would you like a little more time with the menu?" bullshit. Right off the bat I could tell they were going to be fun, so I decided to have some fun with them as well ... I've been trying to work on dealing better with the parties that are more in my age group. Working day shift has me relatively accustomed to many older people, and whiny kids... so I'm trying to brush up my skills on dealing with the younger set, as I've been thinking about working some graveyard shifts, and they would be the main clientele there.
Anyway ... so they were making jokes... I was making jokes... Todd (the really cute one) kept semi-flirting with me in that way that straight men do when they're trying to fuck with you ... I just came back with a few clever barbs, made his friends laugh, and him too actually. I had a good raport with the table ... and was having fun. At one point, I came over to check on them and Todd started to ask me something. "I do my hair like that sometimes... and people say that it's something you do if you're..."
Trish, the girl sitting next to him covered his mouth before he could finish the sentence. I was finding all of this quite amusing, so I looked to her for further comment.
"Do you like to shop?" she asked.
They were trying to put me on the spot ... perhaps embarass me. And I was not to be outdone. It was time to show them that I just don't embarass that easily and that they were in over their head.
"I don't especially like to shop... but I am gay if that's what you guys are asking." I said, with not a trace of embarassment in my voice. (Secretly, I was hoping for a plesant reaction.)
Their jaws dropped a bit, more so at the fact that I was so open, I think, then at the fact that I was a cocksucker. The cute one (Todd) went on to say that he didn't think I was and that he was surprised. I didn't believe that either. He continued to semi-flirt with me... but again, this guy was obviously straight and I knew he was just playing with me for the attention.
At one point I went over to the table, and Todd and Trish were about to do shots of Pancake syrup. I laughed and made fun of them ... gave them shit ... and then went away. I came back a little while later to find Trish about to eat her little ceramic bucket of butter.
"OK, WHAT are you doing now?" I asked.
"They dared me to eat the butter." She smiled.
OK, it was time for me to prove myself. Time to be the cool waiter they all thought I was ... "I'll be right back! Hang on!" I said.
A minute later I returned with a helping of butter for myself and two more shots of syrup. "Let's go!" I said matter of factly.
So we downed the butter, and chased it with a shot of pancake syrup. DISGUSTING. I actually had to liken it a bit (in my head) to the feeling of swallowing cum ... but much less pleasant and without all the fun stuff that comes beforehand.
That seemed to do it ... they thought I was awesome! For the rest of their visit, I sat and talked to them ...and Todd made a few casual jokes about getting my # which I kind of dismissed, but secretly hoped he'd ask me directly for it. Straight or not, he was still a cute boy ...and actually seemed like a REALLY awesome person ... Before they left, he finally did (albeit casually) ask me for it ... I gave it to him, and we traded AIM screen names... He also was writing something down, which he never gave to me ... but after he and his friends left I found it on the table ... (PRobably exactly what I would have done in that situation.)
His cute little note read: "I'm not really gay but I love having fun and joking around. You should definitely come chill sometime."
They also left me a $15 tip. It was DEFINITELY the most fun I had all day.
I've talked to him online since, and he seems like a really cool guy. I think we're gonna hang out sometime soon ... I'm going to be his token fag friend, and he's going to be my token breeder friend ...
He did say he was a cheerleader in high school. Do breeders really do that?...Things that make you go hmm...
ONLY AT DENNY'S!
6:22 PM
Tuesday, December 02, 2003
OK ... let me preface this little piece of poetry with a few thoughts. First of all, it's not inspired by anything CURRENT in my life. No one has brought this up in me ... and it's not geared towards anyone. Secondly, it's rather cheesy as I haven't written poetry in a LONG time and thirdly, I wrote it on my break at work today. But here goes:
Butterflies
I think about how long it's been...
Lacking this should be a sin.
The silly giggles, the heavy sighs,
for a boy who gives you butterflies.
When will he call and what will he say?
These thoughts overtake you and define your day.
You think of his smell ... his touch ... his gaze -
you walk around in that blissful haze.
Not quite love but you've planted the seeds.
And each moment with him, the affection feeds.
It grows inside you, taking over your mind,
every sunrise seems perfect ... all the stars are aligned.
Your heart beats faster every moment with him,
giving in to it's every whim.
Suddenly it's all so fine and dandy;
the walks at night, the flowers, the candy.
All these things you wrote off as shit;
Now they seem possible - this could be IT.
The door is open, your guard finally down.
You're swimming in love and who cares if you drown!
Open ... Ready ... Hopeful ... Happy ...
All that shit you always called sappy.
You sing at work, you dance at home...
...then suddenly it happens... and again you're alone.
The pain, the hurt, all of the lies...
once again have killed your butterflies.
5:43 PM
Monday, December 01, 2003
Yet again, it's been a while since I've blogged. Busy, busy, busy ... or is it lazy, lazy, lazy?... Either way I suppose ...
Thanksgiving week was a busy one ... I worked most of it ... including Thanksgiving Day. I came home from work at 3 on Turkey Day, and started work on my Thanksgiving Feast. I'd invited some friends over and they were due at 6:00, with a 6:30 pm dinner time. My dinner consisted of Turkey (OK, it was actually a turkey LOAF - but you try making a turkey on a day when you work), homemade mashed taters, stuffing, corn, broccoli with cheese sauce, sweet potatoes topped with marshmallow, biscuits and a Denny's Pecan Pie for dessert. In attendance was myself, Jamie, Ashley, Crazy Brian, Jim (a boy who liked me but made a few bad choices) and Zack ... the town hoochy who pretends to be an angel. (He's actually a fairly sweet boy just with a lot of issues.) We sat around and had the most irreverent conversations over Thanksgiving Dinner, and many glasses of wine. Ashley brought some pot, so we took a dessert break in my room to smoke out and then headed off to Somewhere Else for a little bit of karaoke lovin' ... Natch, what else?!
I wasn't feelin the karaoke vibe, and had to work Black Friday at 7am, so I came home early and went to bed.
Friday night I was supposed to have a late-night dinner date with this boy named Justin who I've been talking to for quite a while online, but who lives an hour away. He was going to be in Portland for a party, and was going to duck out early to come hang out ... I ended up getting home late, and we didn't get to hang out that night.
Saturday while I was at work, he found a way back to Portland and when I came home that day, he and his best friend Joe were hanging out waiting for me ... Justin was the sweetheart, funny boy that I expected him to be ... his friend Joe was a cool boy as well, but the type of boy (or at least this is my opinion thus far) who relies heavily on his looks as his major selling point ... basically he's kinda hot and he knows it ... and has the tude that comes with it. Don't get me wrong, he was nice... but I noticed a difference in the Justin who I had spoken with on the phone, and the Justin who was around Joe. Not a bad difference nescesarily, but I couldn't help but wish that I'd met Justin solo the first time ...
Regardless, we started drinking around 4 on Saturday afternoon, and were pretty wasted by early evening, thanks to drinking versions of Jenga and Scrabble. My dumb ass passed out, and they went out to the Underground. They came back and crashed here, and we all got up Sunday afternoon and hung out some more till they had to go home early Sunday evening.
There had been no real "hanky panky" with Justin and I the night before, which was a good thing ... I liked this boy, and often my rule is not to fool around with boys I really like the first time I meet them. It just tends to set the tone or define what the relationship (or lack thereof) is going to be about. I tried to kiss him at one point and he didn't want to ... he said he doesn't do THAT unless he really likes a guy ... I of course, being me, didn't take that so well and was a "grumpy gus" until I passed out that night. LOL - again: Natch.
Justin is young ... he doesn't turn 18 for another month ... but even Jamie had to admit he was kind of wise beyond his years. He seems to be a lot what I'm looking for in a guy ... but I guess what it comes down to is I'm not sure that's a returned feeling. I didn't get the vibe that he was having the same "butterflies" that I was ... I haven't spoken to him since he left so I guess I don't know that for sure. Regardless he's someone I want to hang out with more ... even if he's not destined to be that wonderful boyfriend that I'd like so much to find. I guess one never knows for sure... so I'll do the whole "wait and see" thing ...
Definitely had fun though.
Last night, I decided I needed some karaoke lovin (again) to bring myself out of my "I don't think the boy liked me" funk ... so I headed off to the UG with this boy Earl who I know (and who knows way too many other people who I know) ... he doesn't drink, so I refrained from having any more myself that night.
I sang "Sweet Transvestite" of course, and then tried singing "Rent." I wasn't quite drunk enough to pull off the latter, but still got much love for my usual ditty...
There was a bit more to the night and some other surprises that it held ... but I don't really know what to make of them yet, so I'm not going to post anything just yet.
All in all, it's been an eventful week. Ate some turkey, served some grand slams, met a cool boy, sang some karaoke, got a little drunk ... LOL ... yeah, ain't life grand?!?... ;)
9:39 AM
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