A somewhat regularly updated accuont of my nutty life!
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
This is where you stick random tidbits of information about yourself.
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
Thursday, August 19, 2004
A few months ago, while hard at work, I noticed a new name on the board as one of the servers for the evening.
"Kelsey?" I asked. "I have been hearing that name the past few days. Who is that Kelsey girl?"
A blonde girl who was standing with her back to me (who I thought was another server) turns around and says "That's me!"
DOH! I have a moment of feeling embarassed, but I quickly decide to turn it into a joke. From that point on, I've called her "That Kelsey Girl" ...
Well then, she added to my arsenal of humor by turning her section into the alcohol section, where you can feel free to consume as much beer, wine or liquor as you want. (OK, what actually happened was she let someone drink a drink they had brought in, and got busted for it.) But of course, I made it my new running joke.
Well she's funny, That Kelsey Girl, so I would bug her a lot at work, as I tend to do with people who amuse me. Little things, like putting hard boiled eggs in her drinks, squirting creamers on her, and generally taunting her.
After a little while, I started bumming rides home off her. We;d chit chat ... well one night we traded AIM names... and started chatting online ... and finally I was like "Wow, That Kelsey Girl is a really cool shit..."
Tuesday night she went out with me for karaoke at Somewhere Else and we had a blast. As she is only 19, we decided to concoct a story, designed to keep her from getting carded. She became my BIG sister, which we managed to have the whole bar believing all night.
We ended up getting drunk amd singing "Love Shack" ... it was a really good night.
That Kelsey Girl leaves to go back to college soon ... which makes me kinda sad. I often think about the fact that I haven't made many close friends since moving to Portland. I know it's of my own chosing ... but still... it's lonely sometimes. And That Kelsey Girl ... I dunno ... I think she would probably end up becoming a good friend ...
"Ah! Here's a friend you shall have fun and laugh with!" says Fate.
"Awesome!" You exclaim.
"HAHA!" smiles Fate. "She go bye-byes..."
Fuckin' Fate really needs to get a better sense of humor.
Love Shack ... baby Love Shack ... bang bang bang on the door baby...
Good times regardless. Good times.
2:00 PM
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
I have an amusing story to share. Oh my, did this ever tickle my funny bone.
In order to set up the story I have to rewind a bit to an uncomfortable moment a few weeks ago. I had gone out with my friend Mindy to Somewhere Else, and at one point during the evening pointed out to her an extremely cute boy I had heard sing (really well I might add) a few nights ago. "He's a hottie!" I told her ...
But all of a sudden the guy looks over at her and waves. He walks over and Mindy introduces him as Adam.
Adam.
The boy "Frank" was seeing when he stopped hanging out with me.
Fuck! I had been hoping he wasn't that cute.
Well I've seen him out several times since then ... made small talk a few times, but never mentioned "Frank" ... I didn't even know for sure if he was aware of the connecftion. And from what I gather from the Portland gossip mill, Adam and "Frank" aren't "tight" anymore... LOL.
Well, last week he showed up wearing a cast ... I asked him what happened and heard part of the story, which I couldn't help but find somewhat amusing.
Well last night I saw him again. And he had a long sleeve shirt on covering up his cast ... the front of the shirt said "comes around."
"What's the deal with the shirt?" I ask.
He turns around a little so I can see written on the back of the shirt: "What goes around,"
"What goes around comes around." His shirt reads from front to back.
"I LOVE that shirt." I tell him.
"Thank you." he says graciously. As he does, he looks in my eye and sees the evil grin on my face. He gets it.
"I couldn't think of a better person to wear that shirt." I say to him.
A little trace of an evil grin crosses his face to. We share a moment of laughter and then I go back to my friends.
What goes around comes around. Indeed. Indeed it does.
6:18 PM
Saturday, August 14, 2004
I'm sad at the moment ... I was sadder when I first got home, but then I read last night's blog entry, which is surprisingly coherent, as I don't remember writing much of it ... Regardless... reading it again tonight, as I smoked a bowl[ and reflected... some of the sadness lifted ... a little bit.
I'll start from the beginning.
Billy. That's his name. The boy from last night. The "out-of-towner" if you will ... I called him when I woke up today. I knew I would. I wasn't fooling anyone. We talked, and I said I would like to see him after work ... his friend didn't feel like driving to Portland by the time I did get out of work ... As I was getting ready to leave work, talking to him ... he said "Why don't you take a cab?"
I think for a moment.
"Let me call you right back." I say.
I hang up and call Wolf's Taxi.
"How much to Old Orchard Beach?" I ask.
"I'll take ya for $25." says the driver on his cell phone.
It costs me $13 to get home. Another $10 would certainly get spent on beer to drown away the sadness I would have had over not getting to hang out with him one more time before he left. So it wou ldn't just be this "guy I met one night..." I thought that was certainly worth spending the extra $2 in order to at least have a nice night before getting all sad and depressed.
I had a great night. It was in my head everytime he did something cute, or told a funny joke, or smiled in the most adorable way... through all of these things it stayed in my head. "You're probably not going to ever see this boy again. DON'T."
I know myself a bit too well for that. But I kept telling myself anyway. We hung out with his friend Heather, sat on the porch at his family's beachouse rental ... talked. Then he gave me a tour of the house... BIG FUCKIN PLACE ... LOL. Then we sit on the couch and talk for a little bit ... Then he decides he wants to take a nap.
Yeah. A nap. Winky winky!!
We lay down and cuddle. We talk some more. We make out a little bit... But as it hits that edge ... where you know that one step further and it becomes more than just making out... As it hits that edge each time, we both seem to just let it slow down it's pace again.
In my head I think ... he's probably just like me. He seems like he is. He knows it too. And it's gonna be what it's gonna be ... don't let further attachment happen. Stop at this point.
In my head, this is what I think he thinks. I'll probably never know about that.
They bring me home at 2:30 ... they have to be up at 5am to pack up the car and head out ... I tell them that they should come to my birthday event (more information coming on a future blog about my BIG plans that include whoever is reading this!) ... they say that they might be able to do that ... I don't want to say anything silly like "OK, well I'll see you soon ..." Or "Give me a call tommorrow ... so we can ... err... talk ... talk about what? Going out for dinner?... Maybe catching a movie?
Well ... as I type this I'm starting to rethink. Talk. Actually just talk on the phone ... have conversations ... get to know each other. The point of those first dinners... or movies ... or coffee dates. To talk. To get to know each other. But ... when you live several hours apart ... it certainly does make a goodnight kiss a logistical nightmare.
Enough reflection ... moving back to the car ride... slowing down in front of my house.
"You guys drive safely now!" I sputter.
Pleasantries exchanged back and forth. I'm holding his hand behind him from the back seat, in a bit of a hidden way. I squeeze his hand tight. Not super tight. But a nice medium tight. Not too tight like the love of my life was departing for war ... It wasn't that tight. But a firm squeze - just long enough to convey the emotion ... but short enough to seem a bit detached about it. (Does that make any sense?... Hmmm)
I give him a quick kiss. I look at him one more time. I try not to be obvious about it. But I take one mental picture. Him looking in the back seat, smiling, his hair hangin down in his face. I look just long enough to take one mental picture.
I get out of the car, wait for them to pull away, sit down on the step, smoke a cigarette and cry.
Cry not just because of a cool boy. I mean he was an AWESOME boy ... and I think one I might actually end up dating if it was geographically desireable. But, in the larger sense also ... the fact that anytime I see the spark ... the potential ... someone who is truly special, and sets off instantly my alarm that says "This is what you're looking for." Anytime I see that ... there's something that makes it impossible to even investigate further. It sucks and it feels like fate's little way of screwing with me.
"Here's an asshole!" says Fate.
You get hurt.
"Here's an asshole!" says Fate.
You get hurt.
"Here's an asshole!" says Fate again ... this time even louder.
You get hurt.
"Stop it dammit! Fate, you suck!" You scream back.
And Fate seems to listen for a minute. Fate seems to think about it.
"Here's a really cool guy!" Says Fate with a bit of mercy in it's voice.
You get excited. You always get excited. That exuberance never seems to die in you, no matter how many times Fate has sent assholes. You wish it would sometimes. But it doesn't.
"HA HA!" Says Fate.
"Huh?" you ask with a dumbstruck look on your face.
"A really cool guy ... who is joining NASA tommorrow and will be orbitting Saturn for the next 3 years." Fate cackles out with laughter.
So ... after all of this ranting I've done tonight... how do I feel? Am I still depressed? Sad? Has my writing served as a sort of catharsis to lift my spirits or provide me with any answers?
No not really.
So what can I offer up as the moral of this rather long blog entry?
One springs to mind: Fate DOES have a sadistic sense of humor.
3:21 AM
Friday, August 13, 2004
Life is not fair! It's not fucking fair! That's my goddamned mantra and I'm sticking to it!
Everytime I have the slightest inclination that maybe it's getting fair again ... maybe ... oh my goodness, an actual INTERESTING boy ... out ... at the bar... odd... but ... funny... instantly charming. He has this shtick. He comes outside the bar, lights a cigarette, has a drag... then runs back inside to have a sip of his drink. Then back outside in a few for another drag... then inside again for another chug .... Well, this boy was funny. He was charming. He was sincere. And holy fuck ... he dug me too. We hit it off in the first 30 seconds... he then introduced me to his best firend who he was there with ... She was the bomb too! It was perfect! I met a gr5eat guy... he had an awewsme as fuck best friend... and they both dug me....
...Oops! They both live in D.C. ... they are only visiting Maine for a few days ... We're probably never gonna get to hang out again and it sucks ass.... It sux ass... you finally meet someone who automatically pushes all the right buttons.... but ... but he likes you too... and then because of arbitrtray situations, you guys have to say goodnight even though you so weren't ready to .... and it sux!
You've exchanged numbers and extremely lovely words... but will one of you make the effort the next day when the alcohol wears off?.... Is this a random fleeting thing ... or in the morning will I do everything in my hungover ass's ability to get in touch with you!?...
Guess only time will tell ... Just another roll of the dice....
House rules.
4:02 AM
Tuesday, August 03, 2004
It amazes me truly the lengths that some people will go to just to get a mention in my journal. I know this person casually who reads this thing regularly and he always lets me know that he knows what's going on in my life. And usually, there's a subtle metnion of a reason he might make it into the next entry in this journal. Well, usually his hints of reasons don't make enough of an impression to stay in my memory until the next time I'm blogging (which if it's well written, usually means I'm stoned) so today, I guess my friend Brad decided that he could bear it no longer. He needed to do something to get mentioned and he needed to do it soon.... VERY SOON ...
So my freind Brad took me to the Clay Aiken concert tonight here in Portland! OH MY GOD THAT WAS SO FUCKING AWESOME! This man has a voice that gives me chills (I say that literally, not as a figure of speech) during MANY of his songs... each and every time I hear them. The concert was filled with an odd assortment of characters. Drunk soccer moms. Pre teen and teen girls .. in seperate areas ... gay boys who swear he's singing to them, even if he doesn't know it yet. Clay (and whoever the Production Deisgner of the show was) managed to put on a show that felt it appealed to the diversity of the audience and that everyone could have left feeling thoroughly entertained. We saw a 5 minute long clip of his past years successes, while he belts out some ballad in the shadows and watches himself...
Twice during the evening the man was elevated from below the stage as though he was Tom Jones.
I left the concert convinced that gay or straight (who knows with him?) that this man is quite definitely a diva! Oh yeah, I don't know if Clay likes fish or beef, but I guarantee you that man probably brings assistants and interns to tears. LOL. I bet if that dressing room has Diet Coke isntead of Diet Pepsi that someones heads going to roll. And some intern will be breaking the speed limit frantically searching for a 7-11 to corret the error.
Regardless... I was beginning to lose the point of that story anyway. He sang his Invisible song last and said goodnight... but the man had not yet song Solitaire. Of course he was going to. So what happened?... A clevr director insured a standing ovation for Clay at every venue for the whole tour. I know I personally stood up on my feet clapping loudly after Invisible... Clapping loudly to get his fuckin ass back on that stage, cuz that lil queer didn't sing Solitaire.
Note also: He made a point of mid way through his show, doing a shameless plug for his CD single... because Fantasoa was starting to beat him ... and Miss Thang was havin none of that.
Shameless plug. Then says goodnight before he sang the fuckin song?! THE song?! I hope that man feels guilty for purchasing that standing ovation every night. They fall hook line and sinchor...
But then suddennly he sings that song. He sings it in a way that is almost haunting ... At that point you've just realized he earned that stnading ovation after all ... just came a little early, that's all.
It was a lovely night ... A lovely night that started when I woke up on Sunday morning ... (it's now late tuesday night, early tuesday morning) .... I've just gotten done listening to a few Tina Turner CD's....and now I need to find it in me to sleep now. Sleep before daylight ...
4:27 AM
|
|
| |
|
|
|
