A somewhat regularly updated accuont of my nutty life!
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This is where you stick random tidbits of information about yourself.
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Friday, April 30, 2004
I started keeping this blog almost 2 years ago. Originally it started out with two purposes. One was to keep my friends in New York, PA and other assorted states in this great country, in touch with what was going on in my life, as I no longer talked to all of them on a daily basis. The second was because I just enjoy having a forum to express whatever is on my mind, that I can go back and read later, reflect on ... criticize...learn from ... all that good stuff....
Well the link to this page is on my website, so it's not hidden from anyone. I've learned since I've been keeping it though, that only those who are actually interested in what you are thinking actually bother even glancing it... I'm the type of person who generally believes that if you want to know about me ... here I am. So I don't go to any efforts to hide what I write.
Now, before I continue on to tell explain the relevance for this story, I want to make a little editorial change (which the story will explain the reason for) ... I've decided that "Abercrombie Boy" is a lot more than just that, and so from now on in my blog, I'm going to refer to him as "Frank" ... His name isn't actually "Frank" (thus the quotes), but as my faithful blog readers know, I sometimes give out other names to people in my life, so that I'm not blatantly putting their business out there on my website for the world to see... So ... in that spirit, "Abercrombie Boy" becomes "Frank" ...
"Frank" and I had a conversation a few nights ago and I told him I liked him, and was interested in him beyond just a fuck buddy, but that I wasn't in any hurry and that we could just keep hanging out, getting to know each other and seeing where that takes us. I just wanted to make clear that I did have interest... It seems like that adds to the fun of a new, budding "whatever...." He seemed to agree with me, and I was a giddy silly boy again for a few days. Kate would constantly tease me because of my giddy smile everytime his name would pop up on caller ID, or the one night when after hanging up with him, I danced around going "I think he likes me too..." only to realize I hadn't properly hung up the phone and he may have heard every word. LOL. Yeah, that was amusing. We have been hanging out almost daily since we met...and I'd been getting to know his friends/roommates and they too were mad cool.
Tuesday night while they're visting "Frank" and I (during a moment alone) were talking and he said "Oh by the way... nice journal." *GASP* My blog! Read by the boy! OK, some embarassment, but was aware it could happen so I started to regain my lost footing. "Yeah, the girls found it and pointed it out to me."
*GASP* I begin to get a little dizzy.
"You're kidding, right?" I sputter out as my already pale face turns even whiter.
He wasn't kidding. I was completely mortified...and unsure what to do, as when he told me I was packing to go spend the night at their house. I ended up taking a moment to recover, put on my big "group smile" and go back out to tell them I actually had other plans I couldn't break therefore couldn't make it.
They didn't know. He knew.
We talked later... he took it so well... he wasn't mad. He almost seemed a little relieved... but I could have read that wrong. He handled it cool, I had drunk conversation online with him, felt a little more retarded, then that was that...
Yesterday they came over while I was cleaning my room, and ended up helping me clean the entire house (kitchen withstanding, till Jamie returns) ... it was the nicest thing ever. He was running around cleaning like a maniac, looking so adorable both by his outfit, and his determination to get the job done ... I had to stop and watch for a minute and do a silent "aww...." Afterwards the four of us hung out and smoked and drank ...and smoked and drank ...and smoked and drank... Now, I can't go into much detail about this ... as it's details aren't terribly important to the story or to the world to know. But sufficed to say, I ended up having a perceptive moment, a realization... and came to the conclusion that I was perhaps making a bad choice by letting myself continue to entertain feelings about this boy. Not because he's not amazing... because he is. But because he's young ... And there are certain situations in that age range that seem ok when you're there... but when you're someone who doesn't nescesarily want to move backwards in a certain way ... you might not be able to reconcile with.
All very vague, I realize... but, as my readership rate has gone up, I've realized that perhaps certain details are best left undetailed. But... sufficed it to say, in one moment I gained from him both some incredibly hurt feelings, and some very deserved respect. Odd combination ... but he displayed the one trait that I find the most admirable, desireable and attractive in a person: truth.
I was wasted, so I didn't handle this particular incident at my best... later, I spent hours on the phone crying with Jamie about why it is that I never seem to learn... and talked about so many things that have been on my mind. Mixed feelings, but sadness as I went to sleep. I woke up to no power... damn electric company!
Had a miserable day of one thign right after the other disasters... I ended up seeing "Frank" and company tonight, and was again invited to go spend the night. Honestly, I'm not sure what I've decided about the whole thing yet... so I declined. I didn't want to ... despite anything, I truly have a good time when I'm around him. He has this glow and energy that kinda makes me just smile being around him (and yeah, that sound UBER cheesy, but true) ... But, I knew it was best another night. I kept a "nothings wrong" smile on through the evening while we hung out ... but it took a lot out of me... I learned back in the acting days how to block out those signs of hurt, confusion, anything unpleasant... and turn on the "public face..." I used to be so good at that. Towards the end my year with "Todd" ... stayign up the whole night crying and uncertain what was going on and then going to a fund raiser dressed up and posing for pictures with a big grin. LOL - If I can cover that kinda pain for print, I can certainly hide a little boyache from the scooby gang.
Anyway... and now something I rarely do (it's actually against my biggest blog rule and I've only broken it once) ... but I'm going to direct this next paragraph to "Frank":
I doubt you'll probably be back to visit my blog anytime soon ... but on the off-chance that you are... I don't write things in here as a way of communicating them to others. What you read in here, isn't my way of letting you know things without telling you myself. However, it's also where I do share just about everything. If that's something that you want to know, then as with anyone else it's not hidden. But, do so with that knowledge... It'll always tell you exactly what I'm thinkin bout shit in my life... and most of those things are things you could simply ask me as well ... Just know when it all comes down to it, I'm writing it for me ... not for anyone else.
To anyone else who reads my little account of crazy events... if you are curious what I really am all about ...there are two years of these posts indexed on the left of the screen ... They were an interesting two years... Kind of an exciting read.
Another day ... another entry ....
12:27 AM
Monday, April 26, 2004
So last night, exactly a week after first meeting "Abercrombie Boy", we actually spent the night together. Well, actually SLEPT together. LOL. Ironic how gay boys seem to put the normal progression into an entirely different order. Get naked the first night. Cuddle and fall asleep together takes time. LOL.
I dunno, things are going well I guess. I have fun spending time with him, and he seems to as well. He and one of his gal pals popped and woke me up one morning. As much as I detest losing sleep, it was kinda cool to have him just stop by.
Last night he and the girls hung out with Kristy and I are we smoked and chilled. "Abercrombie Boy" told his girls he was spending the night, and so they jetted. It was definitely nice to finally spend the night with him... He's like me in a few ways. Likes it before sleep, likes it when he wakes up, and is a pretty decent cuddler in between. LOL - it was a good night.
I'm pretty baked and it's 1:30 in the afternoon. YIKES! I gotta work at 4, so hopefully the lovely effects of the weed will wear off before then...
Jamie is supposed to be coming soon for a visit... God, I miss my best friend so much. I can't wait to see him ... Things are going fairly well right now, but even so ... it's been too long. Plus there are things to take care of when he arrives... so ... a lot to think about.
But in the meantime ... things have been good. Work's work. I'm hanging out with "Abercrombie Boy" and slowly getting to know him ... Still thinking about the Emmy's... debating if inviting him is an option. Debating how to sit down and tell him the story of my illustrious (such as it was) past in order to explain WHY I'm going. LOL. And of course... writing. I've been doing more of that lately. Not just in here, but some story ideas. Good stuff so far, I think.
Yeah, it's a pretty good day ... Except maybe I need a haircut. ;)
1:27 PM
Saturday, April 24, 2004
As long as I can remember I've had two favorites nights of the entire year. The first was Christmas Eve. For some reason I always liked the magic that this night held more than Christmas Day itself... the spirit felt more alive to me.
My other favorite night of the year is Emmy Night. (Daytime Emmy's to be specific). That's right, ever since at a young age, I was a part of the wonderful industry that is daytime television, I've attended this once-a-year gala almost every year since. Some years I've gone as a member of the industry ... with one show or another. Other years I've gone to schmooze with others in the industry to try to secure future employment. Well it's been a few years since I've been completely out of the loop and I've missed Emmy night for the past few years.
Well this year, I'm finally returning to the scene. I guess in some senses it's my attempt to "test the waters" towards going back to NYC and some kind of career. Plus it's a chance to have my picture taken, see old friends, schmooze with the big wigs and all that fun stuff that IS Emmy night.
I find myself with one dillema though. Who is my date going to be?... UGH! One of my least favorite things about Emmy night... the last Emmy's I attended I took this boy who I'd met, after only a few days back in NYC ... Damned if I can remember his name, but I can remember everything else about him. Where he lived. What he did. How gorgeous he looked in his tuxedo. Having him by my side all night. But, in the end... not a memorable date. I didn't have a great connection with him, and he spent most of the evening asking "Who's that?" and "Is that Regis over there?"
The field of potential candidates this year is fairly small. I'd thought about asking Jamie, if he's here in town over that time. (He's coming for a visit soon and I'm WAY stoked) ... Jamie's always known about this big night for me, and has heard many stories of past years.... but I'm not sure he'd really be excited to go ...and would probably just end up going with me to make me feel better... An option, certainly. But I just don't know if it would be his thing. There were thoughts of Al flying in from Atlanta to go with me ... (Al who I met on Christmas Eve, my other favorite night of the year ironically) ... But he isn't going to be able to make it. Then ... then there's the Abercrombie Boy... I haven't said anything to him yet. He doesn't even really know about my background in soaps or a lot at all about that part of my life. So to segue into "Hey ...guess what I used to do..." And then "How'd you like to be my date to the 28'th Annual Daytime Emmy Awards at Radio City Music Hall and a bunch of parties afterwards where we'll probably get our pictures taken?" LOL ... yeah, it might be a bit soon for that.
I ended up fessing up to him that I could potentially see myself liking him ... his reaction was cute. I think he's probably in a similar place as me. I think he might "dig me" ... but isn't in any hurry to rush into anything ... Plus, I keep reminding myself of that age difference... Although, at 27 I'm probably more like a 19 year old now, then I actually was at 19.
Still... not sure if it's too soon to tell him about all that, then invite him to something like that. But the clock is ticking. I talked to the audience coordinator today, and I need a name for the security list soon ... at least at the parties I can simply call whomever I take my "plus one" ...
Decisions, decisions....
In completely unrelated news... I read the most fascinating story on CNN.com today .... well, perhaps fascinating isn't the word, so much as "disturbing" ... but I decided to post it here, for all of you to see... ENJOY:
NEW YORK (Reuters) - Two gay lovers took off most of their clothes, climbed up a tree in New York's Central Park and spent four hours engaging in sex acts and yelling abuse at police and firefighters.
Police said officers talked the men out of the three story high tree on Thursday night after the parks department had sent two cherry-pickers and firefighters had deployed an inflatable rescue mattress.
The couple, described by officials as a 32-year-old transsexual with female breasts wearing a purple thong and a 17-year-old boy in white boxer shorts, were admitted to the hospital for psychiatric evaluation.
At one point during the standoff in the larch tree -- an evergreen with pine-like needles -- the 32-year-old rejected a police officer's offer of a can of soda.
"This is a Coke. I wanted vanilla Diet Pepsi," he was quoted as saying in newspaper reports.
On Friday, police charged William Rund, 32, and Christopher Montero, 17, both of New York, with reckless endangerment, resisting arrest, criminal mischief, public lewdness and disorderly conduct.
1:35 AM
Thursday, April 22, 2004
Wow, so it's so typical of me to take sleeping with an incredibly hot boy, and turn it into something involving actual feelings. I went to spend the night at his place on Tuesday night ... and certainly learned a lot more about him and what his world is like. He shares a bedroom with two girls (who appear to be his best friends) in one of the girl's parent's house. (Confusing a bit, eh?) The 3 of them live in this room and almost seem to exist as one unit. It's quite entertaining ... but also seems to give me a bit more insight into him ... He comes from what appears to be a somewhat messed up family (is there any other kind?) and I think hides a lot of pain underneath the cute face and toned little body ... It's funny how I've gone from talking about him to my friends as "The Abercrombie Boy" and started referring to him by his name in just a few short days. Of course, for blog purposes he'll still remain "The Abercrombie Boy" ... plus it suits him.
He's 19, and at one point made a statement about "just wanting to have fun" ... so caution is telling me not to like him too much ... But each time we hang out again, I find myself developing a little more of a crush ... learning more about him ... watching him and noticing all the little cute things he does.
His roommates/friends seem to know nothing about anything going on between us ... although it's hard for me to tell for sure. He says they know that he's "bi" ... but when we're together in front of them, we both act differently then we do when they're gone. Of course, we're generally going at it like bunnies when they're gone ... so I suppose there's something to be said for tact and public form. LOL.
I guess only time will tell ....
I talked to my old friend "Jenny-Penny" today, who professed that she needed a Kevin/Jenn night ... This girl is one of my oldest dearest friends, who I miss terribly... she and I could make a good time out of a bingo night at the local fire station. I need a Jenn/Kevin night as well ... hopefully we're going to meet up one night soon in NYC and have one of those ... It's been far too long.
3:42 PM
Tuesday, April 20, 2004
Never fear dear blog readers, the blog shall now resume regularly. I know most have you have been sitting on the edge of your seats, checking this site daily to see if finally I was going to return with news of the Melrose Place type life I tend to lead.
Well after over a month with no computer or internet ... the cable company and the computer people have both shone down their love on me at the same time ... That's right, I'm BACK ONLINE BABIES!... ;)
Perhaps you may wonder why my so brazen attitude. Well, since I know you're wondering I'll explain it. There is not but one reason, but several. The first is that I'm fairly stoned as I write this (takes break to smoke another hit from the pipe). The second is that I'm on the Atkins Diet FINALLY ... and after months of saying next week ... it was finally this week. Well I actually started Thursday, but I'm on day 5 and even during weed-induced munchie attacks, I've steered clear of those delicious foods that contain CARBS!! ICK! It's time to drop these few pounds that I let ruin my entire sense of hotness and get my ass back in shape! And the third reason I'm feeling a bit full of myself this evening is because I had a double whammy last night. Two very different things came out of one cool night. I ended up naked with the hottest Abercrombie boy EVER ... AND I had really great conversation with a neat boy I had just met. And both of these things were with the same fella. Nifty, huh? So, while my heart is saying "Wow, what a neat guy..." my proud gay male (which I shun often) says "I BAGGED AN ABERCROMBIE BOY!...SCORE!"
I know however which of these thoughts will end up prevailing at the end... and I'm sure after a short time wondering "Does he like me?"... I'll end up coming to the conclusion that curtains and a china pattern our not in our future... but ... for right now ... for right now I'm enjoying the happy silly part ... and as with the rest of my future, anxious to see what is to come ...
IT'S GOOD TO BE BACK ...
4:08 AM
Thursday, April 01, 2004
Well it's definitely been a while since my last post. Sheesh, over a fuckin month! What a slacker am I!?...
Mostly it's been because the internet has been absent from our house for quite a while... so have had to make do with occasional trips to the library to check mail and such. Thankfully though, the internet and cable return to our humble abode on April 13'th ... so then it'll be back to normal with the posting again ... lol
Let's see... well the past few weeks have been markedly uneventful. I've been working a lot, trying to get the back-due bills paid off, and then put aside some money for both the vacation I'm planning with Jamie (hint: we're going to go spend a week in the sunny land of evil :), and the Daytime Emmy's, which are coming up in May, and I've decided that I want to make an appearance at this year... The thought process behind that is going to have to be a topic for a whole other blog... but since the move back to NYC is something that is now in the forseeable future, I need to start reestablishing connections and such again ... plus I think it will do me a ton of good to be there and have a night of glamour and all that stuff... Gonna start either an Atkins or Crystal Meth diet soon in order to get myself lookin all purty for the big night though ... lol - And an outfit?... Gotta find something stunning...
On the boy front, I actually took a few weeks off... been fed up with the low-quality of all the guys I seem to meet... And of course, when last you're looking, is when something crosses your path ... Well sort of.
Last Thursday at Somewhere Else, I met this really cute boy who was wearing a wretchedly ugly shirt. Me being me, I walked up and told him so. He later told me that my candor and honesty was extremely attractive, and was the reason he continued talking to me ... LOL - leave it to me to score a date off an insulting remark. ;) Well he and I ended up going back to my house to hang out ... Sex wasn't at all what I was looking for and I told him that from the get go ... I wasn't opposed to it (and in fact ended up having it) but it wasn't why I invited him to hang out. What followed was roughly 12 hours of doing crystal, talking about everything under the sun, and several sessions of extremely great sex. I had to go to work the next day, but he stayed at the apartment and bonded more with Katie (she actually liked him) ... and then I came home, and we spent the night drinking some beers, playing Uno (with Katie) and finally passing out ... Of course, being me I found something in his words to let my feelings get hurt... and that ended up being the note that we finally ended on the next day. I thought about it all the next day, and eventually decided that fear of getting hurt was not going to ruin a chance with what seemed to be a really decent guy ... so we played phone tag for the next couple of days... he left me sitting on a Saturday night waiting for a call that never came... then finally on Tuesday we ended up hanging out again... We sat around the house...had beers...listened to music... talked... had sex... fell asleep ... He didn't sleep very soundly, I noticed, as I would awake each time he would stir. I wasn't sure if it was being in a strange place, or just who he was sleeping next to ... I bought him flowers that night, which he left at my house saying that "he didn't want to look silly waiting for a cab holding roses" ... I think I kinda knew at that point that this probably wasn't going much further. I would have taken those flowers in a cab ... to work ... and then carried them around Friendly's all damn night like a badge of happiness, occasionally singing the words "A boy gave me flowers...a boy gave me flowers..."
But then again ... I suppose I'm not the norm by which to judge these things. Silly rabbit...
So, it's now Thursday and I haven't heard anything from him since he left that morning ... I'm kinda broke and don't work till tommorrow, but I'm thinking about going out tonight... I'm kind of in the mood to get super cute and walk around acting like a diva all night... LOL - it makes me feel better when I'm sulking. Plus I have a cold. Plus it's raining... and we all know...
Rainy days and Mondays always get me down ...
6:10 PM
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