A somewhat regularly updated accuont of my nutty life!
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This is where you stick random tidbits of information about yourself.
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Sunday, January 30, 2005
Sunday is my Friday.
By that I mean that Sunday I work during the day (well as of last week), usually until about 4, and then after I get out of work, my weekend begins.
You might think I get jipped... Well, the thing is I rather like the routine I've settled in to.
Sunday nights are doubly awesome. I have mostly-regular plans with my breeder friend Adam. We hit a local breeder bar where there's a weekly karaoke contest. Now, don't get me wrong. I don't have anything against the breeders... but I could see them looking at me. Flirting with me. One even tried to touch me. Why can't they just stick with their own kind, instead of always trying to get with us? :) (If some uneducated moron is by chance reading this page, that last sentence was a little trick I like to use sometimes, called irony. Look it up. Reflect. See what comes to you.)
Anyway... I digress. So Adam and I hit up "The Stadium" (Those breeders, always naming bars after those sports things.) and get ourself on a path towards intoxication. The contest ends around 11:15... (Adam sometimes wins or places) and then it's off to a more relaxing and aesthetically pleasaing environment...
...The gay bar! Finally, a bar without all those freaks standing around staring at you. (Irony again ... FYI.) Oddly, "Styxx" (our local gay club) also has karaoke on Sunday nights. Now usually I'm more of a fan of the Tuesday or Thursday night karaoke nights at "Somewhere Else" but "Styxx" on a Sunday, after spending the night around straight people, can be a pretty groovy place.
We further intoxicate ourselves, while the gay boys all hit on Adam. I keep telling him we just need to share our knowledge. I can tell him how to get those breeder girls to fall for him, and he can tell me how to get the boys to flirt with me...
Thankfully, as of recently I don't need to worry about boys flirting with me. "Jade" (aka/"Sunshine") and I have been seeing each other for over a month now ... and as of recently have made the dating official... making me the amazingly proud boyfriend of a really deep and special person ... The fact that I'm moving in April makes this an unpleasant example of that word "irony" I spoke of earlier.
But that's another blog entry. I have digressed again. This ones about Sunday nights, and after Adam and I get back to my house from our "both worlds karaoke night" tour we sit down, and endulge in my two favorite things on television at the moment, both of which have been recorded that night by my DVR box. For those of you who don't know what a DVR box is, it's basically like TIVO. I tell it my show, and it records it EVERY time it's on ... and saves it in my cable box. I have like 60 hours of space on the box that I can fill with whatever I like. 58 of those hours are currently filled, but I'm sure I'll delete something soon ... I'll have to.
"Boston Legal", the spinoff of "The Practice" stars James Spader, William Shatner, Candice Bergen and Betty White. Now if that cast list alone doesn't make you wanna tune in at least to see what the fuck this thing is about, then clearly you have no appreciation for the history of television.
However, there's one show that I absolutely can not miss. Ironically it takes up both the time slot of my old TV addiction ("Sex and the City") but it seems to have replaced it as the new pop culture phenomenon in the making.
Four strong female characters. All very different. All very bold. All doing insane Dynasty/Melrose kind of shit. But somehow all very relateable.
Relateable to the housewives they sorta represent. Relateable to mainstream america as well as to both the upper class and white trash. And most importantly, relateable to gay men.
I mean think about it. We all know which "Sex and The City" character we feel we are. (I'm a Carrie myself ... although I think far too many fags lie to themselves and say they're her, when most of them are truly Samanthas.)
And who among us didn't know exactly which "Golden Girl" we were? Or which "Charlie's Angel" for you older bitches.
"Desperate Housewives" introduces us to four vivacious characters. Susan, Bree, Lynette and Gabriel. All very different women, with as many things in common as differences.
So far, I think I'm mostly a Susan ... But as I'm still getting to know the characters, I'm still forming my opinion. More later on this.
Sunday nights are good...
I no sooner finished typing that last line when my phone rang.
Adam's at his parents till tommorrow.
Another thought just hit me, while typing that last line. In what is clearly a sign that it's not my day, I have remembered that "Desperate Housewives" is a rerun tonight.
OK, so maybe this week I got jipped.
That's ok ... I know it's my Friday ... but even if it sucks ... for me, tommorrow isn't Monday. It's Saturday!
CAN I GET A HELL YEAH!?...
I feel this blog entry being extremely interactive, as I keep getting interupted while writing it. It seems to keep fitting in with what I'm writing ... and this last interuption was no exception.
My phone just rang. It's Mindy and April ... it's April's birthday. They want to go out.
An end to my blog entry ... and a beginning to my Friday night.
CAN I GET ONE MORE HELL YEAH!?
5:31 PM
Sunday, January 09, 2005
Every now and then I hear a song that really speaks to me. That touches me, or makes me think, or brings to the surface emotions I wasn't even aware of.
On My Own, Stars and The Moon, I'm Not Afraid Of Anything ... to name a few. Ironically they are all showtunes of some sort. I think that's less because I'm a big "showtune fag" and more because musical theater is just written with such raw emotion. The songs tend to ring true more then any other type of music does to me.
My new obsession is a song called "There's a Fine, Fine Line" and it's from the new Broadway Hit "Avenue Q" ... and I think the song is just dead on.
There's a fine, fine line between a lover and a friend.
There's a fine, fine line between reality and pretend.
And you never know till you reach the top, if it was worth the uphill climb.
There's a fine, fine line between love and a waste of time.
There's a fine, fine line between a fairy tale and a lie.
And there's a fine, fine line between you're wonderful and goodbye.
I guess if someone doesn't love you back, it isn't such a crime.
But there's a fine, fine line between love and a waste of your time.
And I don't have the time to waste on you anymore.
I don't think that you even know what you're looking for.
For my own sanity, I've gotta close the door ... and walk away.
There's a fine, fine line between together and not.
And there's a fine, fine line between what you wanted and what you got.
You gotta go after the things you want while you are still in your prime.
There's a fine, fine line ... between love ... and a waste of time.
3:13 PM
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
I've heard some fascinating quotes over the past few weeks. Some that I find intuitive, insightful, funny or maybe just plain dirty.
I was watching a movie a few nights ago where a girl asked a guy if he'd actually have sex to help his career. He responded:
"Honey, I've blown a guy to get him out my apartment."
Haven't we all done that?! Surely we don't all want to admit it ... but most of us have been there, I promise you dear readers.
A boy who I chat with online, but don't really know in person is responsible for the next quote. I thought it was absolutely beautiful and I kind of think about it a lot when I think about "Sunshine."
"Sunshine" is the boy I've been seeing lately, and I've decided that since it's my nickname for him in person, it would double as his identity here. The purpose for the name is quite simple... it's the effect he has on me. Like a ray of sunshine. And it feels nice, and warm, and bright and full of energy ...
I thought about "Sunshine" when I heard this quote:
"Boys are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they justget the rotten apples from the bottom that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree..."
Randomly, someone on a gay cruising website had this posted as their "bio line" and I kinda liked it as well:
Life's Not...About arriving gently in a nice neat package. It's about slidding in with a drink in one hand and chocolate in the other, worn and tattered and yelling.. woohoo what a ride
And last but not least I explained an odd concept to my best friend tonight. Something someone had filled me in on. The expression "donkey punch." Apparently, for my dear readers who don't know what this charming expression means, it's what you do after your done "fucking someone up the butt" (as it was so colorfully described to me) "you punch them in the stomach so that their muscles clench and when you pull out, you stay nice and clean." I was appalled. Uterrly appalled. My best friend shared my sentiment, and uttered what I think might be the wisest of my quotes I share with you here:
" IF ANY MAN PUNCHES ME IN THE GUT AFTER HE FUCKS ME. I WILL PURPOSLY SHIT ALL OVER HIM!"
Amen Jamie! Amen to that!
4:25 AM
Sunday, January 02, 2005
I promised myself I'd get the New Years Eve Resolutions post up here on New Years Eve or New Years Day ... but alas, inspiration which I depend on to let my thoughts flow into words hadn't hit. I knew there were things I had to talk about ... that I had to make public ... for the people who don't know ... for the people who don't care ... for anyone who reads this goddamn thing, really. Cause it's all about ME?! Surely you've learned that by now.
Anyway ... OK ... so the New Years Resoultion ... I've only set one this year really. Cause it's a big one. It's been almost four years in the making. It's the return to the one place that brings out all the best things about myself. The one place that has always felt like home, whether in my best or worst moments there. It's the one place where I can return to a life with a career, and not just a job.
April 1st I'm moving back to New York City.
I've avoided setting a date for a while... instead choosing to just say "Sometime soon..." I did that purposely because I knew that once I set a date... that was my everything. That was what I was going to make happen. Because then it was an actual deadline ... not a generic time-frame.
Well ... April 1'st. There we go then. Come hell or high water ... Come rain or come shine ... Actually, I think hell or high water probably should have come after rain or shine. It was kind of anti-climactic.
But anyway, my stoner ass digresses.
I've found myself really starting to develop a life, and circle of friends ... even some people I am beginning to start to consider "family" ... But the truth is the things that I want to do with my life aren't here. So this isn't where I should be laying down roots. It's a fucking great place to live ... and if I had different goals in life it might well be where I chose to live it.
But unfortunately very early in my childhood I was bitten with both the New York City Bug and the Entertainment Industry Bug. Early on I thought the latter was simply the acting bug, but my time in New York City fostered not only my acting career, but the beginnings of possible careers in writing, P.R., and production work. I found myself loving both the city that I lived in, and the industry in which I worked in. At my highs and my lows I still had a hope and a drive that has been missing from me for the longest time. So long, that now, even at a pale shadow of my former self, I feel the beginnings of strength coming back to me. Arriving closer to the next stop ... Returning. Returning a different person, who has to reclimb a ladder, he's already been somewhat up.
My blog will also end on April 1'st, as I make my last post to this particular chronicling of events in my life. A new blog will begin, which will chronicle (more regularly and more in-depthly) the every-day going ons in my life, and my struggle to find my place again in a world that I've long been absent from. I hope to find my next blog to not just be about the woes of love and the drama of gay life ... but about what I think is going to be an exciting adventure. A reinvention, but with so much more life experience behind me to work from.
It seems everytime I'm going to move, I meet someone I think could be a major influence on my life.
I met him Sunday night ... and I've been hanging out with him for almost a week now. I looked at him tonight and I realized ... I think this guy is going to be a very important part of my future. Something just tells me so ...
...Something also tells me, if I'm right ... It's going to be one hell of a ride. You see... in the past hour as I've been sitting here at his house watching him, I began to see the pieces of a puzzle start to come together. I think that this boy who I see something starting with is schizophrenic.
"Fasten your seat belts... it's going to be a bumpy night.
Fuck that, a bumpy fuckin year.
2005- BRING IT ON!
5:17 AM
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