A somewhat regularly updated accuont of my nutty life!
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This is where you stick random tidbits of information about yourself.
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Tuesday, February 22, 2005
My favorite of my roommates, Jack, has this radio station he listens to. It's an AM station and it plays the most fun mix of gay shit. From classic standards to big showtunes... It's playing in the kitchen now, and I just got done listening to Liza Minelli singing "Cabaret" ... and it reminded me how when I sing that song at karaoke sometimes, there's one particular part I enjoy singing... I feel it I guess...
"I used to have this girlfriend known as Elsie,
with whom I shared four sordid rooms in Chelsea.
She wasn't what you'd call a blushing flower,
as a matter of fact she rented by the hour.
The day she died the neighbors came to snicker.
'Well that's what comes from too much pills and liqour.'
But when I saw her laid out like a queen,
she was the happiest corpse I've ever seen.
I think of Elsie to this very day...
I remember how she'd turn to me and say;
'What good is sitting alone in your room?
Come hear the music play!
Life is a cabaret old chum,
so come to the cabaret.
And as for me...and as for me...
I made my mind up back in Chelsea,
that when I go... I'm goin like Elsie!
Start by admitting from cradle to tomb,
it isn't that long a stay.
Some come to the cabaret old friend.
Come to the cabaret."
Yeah... when I go ... it's gonna be just like mother fuckin Elsie.
When I go from Portland I mean ... Just over a month till I'm back in NYC ... living there again ... diving in head first. And I'm going to getto do it with my best friend by my side. That's so exciting and wonderful, I can't even completely express it with words.
"Sunshine" and I called it quits after an abrubt ending to a rather unique Valentine's Day. I'll write about it sometime soon, but for tonight, it was kind of all about "Cabaret" ...
When I go... I'm goin like Elsie....
Fuckin' RIGHT!
12:38 AM
Sunday, February 13, 2005
I have a great boyfriend. There are issues to resolve, and much still to learn ... but he's great. I have been at a job for a year now that actually resembles a decent place to work. I mean the place drives me to the brink of insanity... but it feels like a job I've been at for a year. It's comfortable. I have a couple of great friends here... some friendships that I actually think might be worth maintaining. Heck, I even got myself a gym buddy now. And we both get to use the gym at the hotel at work ... big-time work convenience. I get free access to the gym, pool and hot tob. Schweet. I make great money. I mean I work my ass off for it ... I mean I busted my tail today, but I walked home with $175. I did almost the same last night. Can't complain that those being my good nights. Shit... I made $50 the other night and was bitching for the whole night I couldn't believe I wasted my time going in for that.
Life is pretty good for me right now.
That begs the question, why am I moving then? Why on April 1'st am I going to go back to a city where most things are 10 times the cost they are here.
It's partially because I love New York City. I do. But ... really it's becomes I have dreams for myself. Dreams I started... some of them I achieved...but there are so many more... and if I did it before... I can do it again, right?
What if I let my life pass me by, and never found out the answer to that question? What kind of person would I be in those later years?... I don't forsee it being pretty.
So ... to all of you who are wondering why sometimes people have to give up wonderful things they have? Maybe it's because it's the only way they can find out what they are really made of. And isn't that one of the most important things in life?...
1:37 AM
Thursday, February 10, 2005
Sometimes you just have a pretty neat day. And if you're me, you try to get high and write an amusing journal entry about it.
Well, I'm not feeling particularly "clever stoned" right now, just stupid stoned. However, it was a rather good day... so I'll do my best.
Woke up at Jason's and had breakfast... chatted ... got ready and called a cab for work. I stopped briefly at my house, and my tax return had come. (It was misdirected by the post office temporairly)
Once at work we get the news that the health inspector is at one of our other stores and headed to us next. So we begin frantically making the restaurant ready to pass inspection.
In the end we got an 87% (the store before us got a 75) and our manager gave us all some ice cream to take home. I brought "Hunka Chunka PB Fudge" for Jason ... he likes da peanut butter)
All day I'd called around looking for weed. We're supposed to get a big snowstorm tommorrow and I didn't want to be snowed in with no reefah! Dat would suck da big one.
Well, when I got in my cab to head to Jason's house I couldn't find a lighter to smoke. The cabdriver offered me one, and I questioned what he had it for, since he had already said he didn't smoke butts.
"I smoke other stuff." He tells me with a smile.
My evil little brain begins working immediately.
"Oh yeah. Rock on." I say, sounding casual. "I have been looking for some all day, and no luck."
I go on to tell him how I'm dreading the snow with no grass.
"I might know somewhere we could stop on the way." Dominic (my favorite new cab drivers name)
We stop at a bar, he runs inside with $25 and comes out less than 10 seconds later.
As I see how quickly he has returned, I'm sure it's another failed attempt for the day.
He gets in and tosses a back in the backseat at me.
LIFE IS GOOD.
I invite him up to smoke with me and Jason (and our friend John and their friend Flo who were already there hangin out) and he comes up smokes out, and we all watch "Drawn Together."
First let me tell you I now have a NEW tv obsession. I hadn't seen the show before, and by night's end I'd seen the first 6 episodes. I'll write about it when I have the attention span, but it's a brilliant "cartoon character reality series" on Comedy Central. For those of you who haven't seen it, it's BRILLIANT.
Smoked, watched the show, drank some Apple Cider...
And now, after writing this journal entry, I'm gonna go smoke another with my boo and begin Kill Bill: Volume 2. I wasn't nuts about the first one, but Jason assures me that this one has a bit more than just fight sequences. I'm keeping an open mind...
It was a good day. And sometimes you just have to get stoned and write about those.
2:27 AM
Friday, February 04, 2005
My best friend turned 29 today. We have about 8 months difference between when he turns an age, and when I find myself turning that same age. During those 8 months I get to tease him about being the "old one" ... Today was the last time he'll be "the old one in his late twenties" ... next year when we play this game, we'll be talkin about our thirties.
Holy shit, are they here already?... How is it that when I think back on the events of my life and all the things I've done, that it seems like so much less than 30 years have gone by? It's both exciting and daunting at the same time.
Exciting, because think of the things I can do with the rest of my life, now that I'm making steps to reclaim my direction.
Daunting, because I've had an exciting and diverse past that will take some real rabbits out of the hat to top.
Everything from being a "child actor" to being a "class behavior problem." From being a chubby teen kid who used to be on TV, to trying to completely change my phsyicality to try to be accepted again at what I loved doing. Succeeding... then failing. Back to school ... couldn't take it. Finally a new job comes along. Relocation to New York City is nescesarry for the schedule. You get a tiny place... and you love it. You even learn to deal with roaches, cause finally this big wonderful city you'd always visited and adored, is now your home. And even as you're still learning it's ways ... and it's secrets... you still feel at home while you're still only getting comfortable. 7 years of life go by. Career ups and career downs. TV roles and answering phones at your talent agency. Print ad campaigns you never dreamed you'd book, to playing a teenager while you were already in your early twenties.
Then depression. 3 crushing events all at once. In the span of just as many months. And you're a mess... you're a total wreck... drinking, eating, retreating. And there's an old friend from Pennsylvania. She lives in Florida... and she and you talk ... she cheers you up ... You talk about moving down to Florida and starting up a business. The moving happens, the business doesn't. What was supposed to be 3 months, turns into 3 years. You have changed completely before you leave the state. You've done every drug but heroine now. You've met, mastered and conkered (I so spelled that wrong, huh?) the afterhours scene there. Tried, liked and saw so many new things. Parties in doubles wides, to partying in houses that were broadcast on the internet. Sitting by a pool doing a line of coke, or a patio bar enjoying the salt air and a cocktail.
Life changed from anything you'd ever known. You grew. You met your best friend in the entire world... But slowly you started to get sucked away... you felt yourself fading...
But the other side... crying alone in your bathroom not wanting to leave it and face the people in your house. 30 days in jail that seemed like they might never end. Humiliation, desperation ... leading to despair.
And then a life raft. A best friend who seemed in need. I say seemed because I think he's made of stronger stuff then even he knows. But I came to help him, and instead he helped me... possible saved my life. He made me comfortable and gave me an opportunity in a really great new place. A place to reinvent myself once again, and prepare one more time to do battle with the world.
My best friend in the entire world, who I've sat on the floor of many a party and smoked butts while rolling our nuts off... My best friend who I've slept on subway cars, and taken home to meet mom and dad. My best friend who I have stayed in the poshest of hotels with, and told all of my secrets to ... My best friend who writes the most beautiful poetry I've ever heard in my life ... My best friend who I've laughed and cried with ... and so much more no one could possibly imagine... My best friend who has stuck by me and helped me battle all of my enemies, even when the biggest one is myself.
Jamie, today, 29 years ago a very special person was brought into this world.... and I thank God, or whoever directs this soap opera we call life, every day for giving me the best friend I've ever had in my life.
I love you, and Happy Mother-Fuckin Birthday!...
...You're 29... I'm still 28 ... You're 29 ... I'm still 28 ... :)
2:08 AM
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