A somewhat regularly updated accuont of my nutty life!
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This is where you stick random tidbits of information about yourself.
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Monday, April 11, 2005
The main theme of the past few weeks has been procrastination, therefore I find it fitting that I'm writing my last entry here from New York City, when I'd actually planned to write it in Portland, on my last "official" night there.
But indeed, I am me. Packing didn't happen until the day before I left. Even the flight my roommate booked for me wasn't actually ticketed until practically the 11'th hour.
I'd made such a big deal out of wanting to have a going away party. I'd planned to do it at Somewhere Else on a Thursday karaoke night... Once again I procrastinated finalizing things for it till the night of. I also managed to call into work that night because of too much partying and too many things going on in my head. Angry at myself for that, and depressed cause no one was coming to my going away party, I almost stayed home. But then I took a deep breathe and said to myself: "Self! Who cares if anyone shows up? This is about you! And if you have to go there and stand all by yourself and force yourself to have a good time, and sing Sweet Transvestite one more time, then that's what you have to do."
And so I did.
Flash back ...
A while back I wrote about a boy I met who resembled Macauley Culkin in "Party Monster." Ben was his name... nothing ever came out of it, and he's become someone I see out at the bars and have occasional conversation with. Well a few nights earlier we'd run into each other at the bar, hung out and chatted...and then when some "tina" fell into my lap at the bar, we decided to go do it together.
Usually I have a rule about doing any kind of drugs with someone who hasn't done them before. But Ben is just Ben, so somehow it seemed ok.
It was a night with no sex. Ben and I just sat up all night and talked about so many different things. (The night before my going away party I had a similar experience with another friend... very cool indeed...)
Well, Ben and I established a friendship that night. I'd told him about the main problems I had with him, and he appreciated that I was honest and saw through the things he did... and that opened us up to just being very honest with each other about all kinds of stuff.
Well flash back to the night of my going away party .... and I'd left a message for Ben to call and come with me, but he'd never gotten back to me.
I left one more saying I was leaving, and a bit drunk, stumbled off towards the bar. I called Jamie half way there, so I could be on the phone when I arrived ... (It's a thing I do) ... Just as I started the conversation with Jamie, I swore I saw Macauley Culkin out of the corner of my eye!
I turned and it was Ben. He'd gotten my last message and rushed to intercept me on my way, and walk there with me. It was an awesome gesture that really made the night.
One person out of those I'd told to come out actually showed up. But I wasn't going to let it phase me. I asked Larry the DJ to sing the last song of the night. My usual of course.
When the time came to sing, I got up and was fabulous...
...OK, I forgot the words at one point, but I recovered nicely and closed strong. Larry made a speech about it being my last night, and wishing me well. I don't think anybody was really listening or paying attention, but I heard it. And that night, it was all about me.
Ben and I walked home, then a friend came over and we all smoked a little pot and talked about random shit for an hour.
It wasn't the big going away bash that I'd planned... and it wasn't as warm and fuzzy and "goodbye to Portland" as I wanted... but that came last night. On my real last night here.
I had originally planned to leave on Sunday but last minute problems kept me there another day. It was good, cause I did all the things Sunday afternoon that I'd planned to do. I'd spent the Friday night with Jason, because he's someone I care quite a lot about, as a human being and wanted to spend some time with before the first part of my move. So Sunday was the day to clean my room. Not a "hide everything in the closet and under clothes" kind of clean... but a real thorough examination of all of my things. I knew I wasn't taking much to NYC this trip...but I wanted things organized for each trip I take there and back ... so things are ready to go and in order. And the things that are staying, are in proper places. (I'm planning to maintain the Maine residence and visit one weekend a month ... work at Friendly's for the weekend, make some cash, go to the beach for a day, then head home to NYC.)
I finished that task around 7 Sunday night and with perfect timing, my friend Jon (formerly known as "Delivery Boy") text messaged me to say he was in my driveway and wanted to go for a drive. We drove around Portland and South Portland looking for DVD's so he could burn all the current episodes of "Desperate Housewives" on to DVD for me before I left. We ended up failing, but smoked some pot while we were driving around. I got the vibe that Jon was thinking about crossing the "friendship" lines with me... an idea I'd actually once proposed to him, but thought better of later. I wasn't sure though, cause Jon tends to give off that vibe even when it's not the case. Jamie calls him "Liquid Sexual Energy." (Don't be pissed Jamie, he doesn't read this and plus I already told him about that name... :)
We ended up grabbing a 12 pack and heading to my house for the new episode of "Desperate Housewives." It really is my FAVORITE thing on television right now. One of my favorites ever actually.
So we watched what was a fabulous episode, during the middle of which Kristy stopped by to smoke some more weed with me before she headed back to work ... she wanted to see me since I was around for an extra night. We chatted a bit, and then said "I'll see you next weekend."
It's easier, cause I'm coming back next weekend to move a few more things, and even work at Friendly's on Friday and Saturday. It's done exactly what it was orchestrated to do. Move me to where I want to be, while still maintaining ties with the place that enabled me to be able to come back here, and is definitely a "second home" and holds a few close ties.
Well, after Kristy left, Jack arrived home with more pot. I was already stoned enough, and people just kept bringing me more pot. But I wasn't complaining. I was feeling a good vibe and decided I wanted to go to Styxx for karaoke ... just to do something on my last night. I txt'd Adam ("Breeder") and we met up for our ritual Sunday night. Jon headed home, but Jack tagged along. We had a few beers, and I got up to sing with one of the hottie bartenders who I'd recently taken to singing "The Gambler" with. Then Adam and I decided to duet it up with "Sweet Caroline" ... finally, a very drunken friend I hadn't seen for a while, Katie, came over and demanded I sing our song with her. ("Summer Nights" ... but I sing that with any girl really! LOL)
So I sang that. I was pretty schnockered at that point and Jack, Adam and I headed back to my place. I decided I was in the mood to show off, so I whipped out some old tapes of my television days and forced them to watch for a while. LOL - silly Kevin ...
After Jack passed out, and Adam headed home ... while I was on my way to passing out I thought about what a truly nice night it had been. It was really the last night I wanted in Portland ... and it just happened.
So ... the tale of my "final" days in Portland reaches a close, and so does this blog. I've been writing my feelings, thoughts and opinions in here on a semi-regular basis for several years now. I find myself starting what seems to be not just a new chapter in my life, but perhaps a new volume. And to that end, I think it's time to start a new blog. For my friends who have kept up with this thing, and read it for so many years, or just to those of you who have just recently started reading, I invite you to join my on this next adventure in my life. You'll find my new blog at http://kevinandthecity.blogspot.com ...
I've found myself listening to this one song a lot lately, because I feel like it captures the feeling I have about finally returning to New York, and to the new direction my life is taking this time around. It's a song called "Defying Gravity" and it's from "Wicked" a Broadway musical about the how the Wicked Witch Of The West became that way. In this song, Elfaba (the witch) is about to take a path other than the one she had planned. Glinda (the future "good witch") is her best friend, and Elfaba tries to persuade her to join forces. In the end Glinda, choses "The Wizard" and the safe path she's always taken ... and Elfaba choses to fly away ... literally and metaphorically. It's a beautiful song, and just posting the lyrics doesn't do it justice... but as it's the song I feel most embodies how I've felt the past few days, it will be the final thing I write here. Enjoy it, and download it if you don't know it. It's worth a listen.
GLINDA
(spoken) Elphie, listen to me. Just say you're sorry:(sung) You can still be with the WizardWhat you've worked and waited forYou can have all you ever wanted:
ELPHABA
(spoken) I know:(sung) But I don't want it - No - I can't want it anymore. Something has changed within me Something is not the same. I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game. Too late for second-guessing. Too late to go back to sleep. It's time to trust my instincts. Close my eyes: and leap!It's time to try Defying gravity. I think I'll try Defying gravity. And you can't pull me down! I'm through accepting limits'Cuz someone says they're so. Some things I cannot change, but till I try, I'll never know!Too long I've been afraid of losing love I guess I've lost. Well, if that's love, it comes at much too high a cost! I'd sooner buyDefying gravity. Kiss me goodbye, I'm defying gravityAnd you can't pull me down:(spoken) Glinda - come with me. Think of what we could do together.(sung) Unlimited. Together we're unlimited. Together we'll be the greatest team there's ever been Glinda - Dreams, the way we planned 'em. If we work in tandem. There's no fight we cannot win. Just you and I Defying gravity. With you and I defying gravity. They'll never bring us down! (spoken) Well? Are you coming?
GLINDA
I hope you're happy now that you're choosing this.
ELPHABA
(spoken) You too (sung) I hope it brings you bliss.
BOTH
I really hope you get it. And you don't live to regret it. I hope you're happy in the end. I hope you're happy, my friend.
ELPHABA
So if you care to find me, look to the western sky!As someone told me lately, "Everyone deserves the chance to fly!"And if I'm flying solo, at least I'm flying free. To those who'd ground me take a message back from me...Tell them how I am Defying gravity. I'm flying high Defying gravity. And soon I'll match them in renown. And nobody in all of Oz...No Wizard that there is or was...is ever gonna bring me down!
6:53 PM
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